October 12, 2003
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I'm going to try this out for real now
I'm kind of caught at a crossroads. I'm leaving my current job next week for something that's much better. Here are my issues:
1) Pam. Pam is my office manager. I consider her a good friend. She & I have talked about going into business together if/when I graduate from Vet school. She & I are an awesome team. If I leave, she will be the only logical person there. My boss is sexist pig who has more mood swings than a PMS-ing girl. Bob is a sweet guy, but he fears change, and cannot be wrong. He may also be illetrate, which is just sad for him. He knows a lot, but if he can't read, I admire him for getting through life somehow. He's a good guy, and I'd hate to see him struggle. Anyway, Joan is a 40 year old ass. She is as incompetant as they came. She's also married for the second time, her first husband was a pedafile. Nice, huh? Well, #2 ain't too much better. Although he doesn't have a thing for kids, he is not actively seeking work even though they have serious financial problems. She likes to collect animals (REAL pets) as a way to ignore said problems. Allyson is a 19 year old twit who is high maintenance, loud, prissy & spoiled. She'll say she did something, but it's not really done, and it almost always compromises the well-being of the animals in the hospital. How can I leave Pam with these idiots?! She moved 3,000 miles for this! I love her & pity her, she's in a really shitty situation right now, and there's nothing she can do about it. She said I was the saving grace, and now I'm fucking her over. I don't mean to, but I can't put up with not doing work I'm qualified to do & not being treated like a person.
2) The fear of the unknown. This next practice is huge. I've never worked at such a large hospital before, except for LIVS which was a nightmare unto itself. I'm comfortable here, and I'm building a rapport with the clients. I also hate to constantly change jobs. It sucks so much that I couldn't stay at my last job. Sometimes I wish I had just moved to Florida on my own. Although, my life is changing for the better up here, but that's another story all together.
Vet school has suddenly become an issue. My grandfather doesn't want me far away since his time is limited. This man is my everything. How do I choose between him & school? I can't. Either way I will live with regret, I know it. Plus, someone very special has come into my life now. I know it's REALLY early, but there seems to be so much potential here & I really want this to go far. If we stay together, what would happen if I went to vet school, especially if I went to Scotland?! I couldn't ask him to drop his life for me? Who am I to ask someone to give everything up for me? He's got a bright future ahead of him & I'd never want to ruin that for him. But by the same token, I'd really want him to be a part of this persuit of mine. I'd want him as a support, someone who I could share this experience with, and someone who, hopefully one day, I can build a life with. I know only time will tell, and what is meant to be will be, but I like to plan. I like to have everything set, have a future ready & waiting for me. I can't change fate, but I can take control of my life....I just don't want to manipulate or hurt anyone. Not my grandfather, not this new gentleman, no one. Sigh....I hate things being so uncertain. Such is life, right? I guess it'll all work itself out in the end. I hope so. My life is starting to look bright for a change, and I fear ruining any of that. Well, on that note, I should hit the hay. I need to get some good sleep, get rid of this nasty cold. As good old Scarlett O'Hara once said, "Tomorrow is another day."
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