October 30, 2003
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I got some horrible news this afternoon. My pet rat has cancer. It appears to be in the left lung, the right lung has pneumonia, which is probably secondary to the cancer. We're treating her with antibiotics for the pneumonia, hoping it will clear everything, but I'm doubtful. As was Dr. Robbins. It kills me. I know it may sound stupid because it's "only a rat." But I love that little girl. She is such a sweet pet, and has really enriched my life. I can't help but blame myself for this. Maybe if I was home more or payed more attention to her. Maybe I could have noticed the signs sooner. Maybe I did & I ignored them & didn't even realize. I know rats have a tremendous predisposition to cancer, but I really only knew of mammary cancer, which was why I had her spayed when I first got her. I consider Nyako to be a "familiar." We have an amazing connection...we are so similar in so many ways, I feel like we are kindred spirits, if you will. This is killing me. I hate to lose her. I know it's a part of life. And I knew this day would come, but why has she had to suffer & to continue to suffer? I can only blame myself. I love her & hope she has had a good life. She will always be with me. Christ, this is hard. I'm ready to euthanise her, I don't want her to suffer any more. But, emotionally, to lose one of my best friends...there are no words. I guess I should look on the bright side & remember how blessed I was during the time I've had her. I've been crying so hard... There are no words for this.
Comments (1)
First off, don't blame yourself. You are a loving person and you certainly loved her as your daughter from the start. She will be hard to forget, but in time you will heal.
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