November 7, 2003

• Sigh...it has been a LONG day.  So much going through my head...Major/interssting surgeries, critical cases, how hungry I am    LOL...I was deabating on what I should post about.  My beliefs on equality, my issues with the Hispanic culture I grew up with, my "religious" beliefs....  Hmmm...I still can't decide.  I'm not even sure if I'm hungry or not    It's been so long since I ate, my stomach is eating away at itself    lol  Well, let me not go controversial, because it will require thinking    Let me discuss my tattoos & their meanings.  Something I've always wanted to tell my mom, but I can't...it's a sensitive subject for her for some reason.  So, anyway, here we go...

  
  

  #1 - the cross on my right ankle...From when I was a Christian. It was my way of thanking God for "helping" me to walk, and eventually dance.  Now, it will be a memorial tattoo for my grandfather.  His initials (the only person's initials or name I will ever tattoo on myself) & his date of birth & date of passing will be on it.  It's one of the highest honors you can give someone, tatto yourself for them.  And he is my everything.

  
  

  #2 - the purple dragon on my right arm.  With his wilting flower, and day-dreaming look, he represents my innocence lost.  He is my childhood.  But I don't see him in a bad light.  Instead, now as an adult, I want to nurture & protect him.

  
  

  #3 - Anubis on my left arm.  I got him because I wanted an animal tattoo, and I wanted something that was intimidating & representative of endurance.  If an ancient Egyptian Jackal god isn't just that, I don't know what is.  The ironic thing is, as a kid, I LOVED reading about ancient Egypt & Anubis was my favorite god.  But I never thought of him until I saw the flash on the rack.  Now, as a Wiccan, he is one of my dieties, something very important to me.

  
  

  #4 - The veterinary cadecsus on my neck.  What can I say?  I love my job! :)

  
  

  #5 & 6 - the Asian symbols on my right ankle on either side of the cross.  The one on the left means "Beast."  The other means "Soldier."  Beast, first.  One of my favorite songs is a Rammstein song entitled, "Tier" (German for beast).  I always liked the song, then once I learned what the lyrics meant, it became my theme song.  It's about a girl who is molested by her father.  She kills him & writes out the story in his blood.  Now, granted, I'm not THAT violent, but there is some comfort in a song written about a survivor.  It represented my anger angainst my father.  Now that I'm healed, it's just a reminded of how far I've come & all that I've endured: I am strong.  Soldier is because of how much I wanted to join the military & be a soldier.  Now, I realize I don't have to wear fatigues to be a soldier.  I am my own soldier, my own army.

  
  

  #7 - The tribal on my left calf.  I got it when I was in a rebellious mood, and with the girl who taught me witchcraft.  But, it reminds me of magick, of all things swirling together to create a force.  The blue was from when I got my car (my first new car & it's blue).  Blue is one of my colors, and it has many positive energies about it.  So, that's kind of a Wiccan tattoo 

  
  

  #8 - The sword on my back that says "Death Before Dishonor."  Again, going back to my desire to be in the military.  Also, a motto I live by.  I would rather die than compromise my morals or ethics.  THAT to me is dishonorable, and I could not live with myself.  It reminds me to think before I act, to hold myself to a higher standard.

  
  

  # 9 & 10 - The sun with Tobar's (my bird) face on my right thigh & the moon with Nyako (my now deceased rat) playing on my left thigh.  I wanted something that represented Wicca.  To represent the masculine & feminine in all.  Also, since they're my familiars, it is important to have them be a part of it.  Nyako, like the moon, was gentle & quiet.  Tobar, like the sun, is warm & boystrous.  It all blends together...it's a witchy & motherly thing 

  
  

  #11 - The waxwing sitting on the sword on my back.  That is my memorial tattoo to Keith Doug, my friend who died this summer.  Waxwings represent gentleness in spirit, which Doug was.  The crest (on the bird) represents high knowledge, which he has obtained since his passing.  He is still with me, now physically besides in spirit.  I put it on top of the sword because Doug always felt that I was above him for some reason.  I put "him" on top of "me" (the sword) to show him that no, he is not beneath me, he never was.  Instead, he is the better person, he is ABOVE me.

  
  

  #12  - coming soon!    A beautiful water piece.  I believe that water is the origin of all life.  It will represent Motherhood & Goddess, as well as cover some hideous scars.  I will be adding a Celtic symbol which looks like crashing waves.  I saw this symbol in Scotland & have some kind of connection to it (Karmic, past life, who knows?!).  Finally, there will be two dolphins creating a circle with a ying-yang in the center.  I love dolphins & adored my work with marine mammals.  I do agree with the ying-yang that the is good & bad, light & dark in all.  This'll be a biggie...2 sittings at least (depending on how I take the pain), and lots o' money will be spent on this one    To be created Dec. 10 & 23. 

  
  

  And then I retire    Personally, I don't believe in getting tattoos because they're trendy.  If I have to live with them for the rest of my life, then they'd better mean something!  And mine do.  They are a reflection of who I am.  They also gave me a HUGE boost in myself-esteem.  I used to not be able to look at myself in the mirror...too disgusted with what I saw.  Now that I have works of art on me, I can look at myself & see beautiful parts of me.  It's hard to explain, but it really does make you feel beautiful. 

  • 8:30 pm
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