Here’s some fun, interesting info.  The first entry is my horoscope for today.  It’s quite poignant!  The next 2 were results from tests I took at quizilla.  I thought they were pretty accurate.  I added in the Elf result because I thought that it too, described me.  Plus, I’ve had a few people tell me I am quite Elf-like    Enjoy.  And again, happy new year to all!  Love & blessings to all of you.

Everyone knows the same thing, but some like to put a more elaborate spin on it. Counter inequality with your own fairness. Nice guys and gals always win, even if the victory may not be overwhelming.

You are Form 0, Phoenix: The Eternal. “And The Phoenix’s cycle had reached zenith, so he consumed himself in fire. He emerged from his own ashes, to be forever immortal.” Some examples of the Phoenix Form are Quetzalcoatl (Aztec), Shiva (Indian), and Ra-Atum (Egyptian). The Phoenix is associated with the concept of life, the number 0, and the element of fire. His sign is the eclipsed sun. As a member of Form 0, you are a determined individual. You tend to keep your sense of optomism, even through tough times and have a positive outlook on most situations. You have a way of looking at going through life as a journey that you can constantly learn from. Phoenixes are the best friends to have because they cheer people up easily.

Your soul is bound to the Solitary Rose: The Alone. “When I wake up alone, the shades are still drawn on the cold window pane so they cast their lines on my bed and lines on my face.” The Solitary Rose is associated with loneliness, melancholy, and patience. It is governed by the goddess Merope and its sign is The Sword, or Unrequited Love. As a Solitary Rose, you may be summed up as a hopeless romantic. You desire love and have so much love to give, but thing just never seem to work out the way you want them to. In life, you can be very optomistic, even when things are gray and nothing works out to your expectations.

You are Form 6, Elfin: The Wyld. “And The Elfin saw the evil and misjudgement in the world and shot her arrow at the sky. Bolts of lightning struck the earth and gave the world balance and growth.” Some examples of the Elfin Form are Demeter (Greek) and Khepry (Egyptian). The Elfin is associated with the concept of growth and balance, the number 6, and the element of water. Her sign is the half moon. As a member of Form 6, you are a very balanced individual. You can easily adapt to most situations and you may be a good social chameleon. You aren’t afraid of changes in your life, but sometimes you evolve too rapidly, leaving others to think that you are leaving them behind. Elfin are the best friends to have because they are open minded.

Some of you may notice I deleted those 2 entries from today.  I don’t need that staring me in the face.  I don’t need the negative energy or frustration.  Nothing against Lauren, I just needed to put it behind me.  I do have some good news from tonight 

The moon was GORGEOUS tonight.  Perfect half-moon watching over me.  Although I was unable to find a job at a bar (apparently there was only one bar between here & orient point.  Perhaps I need to head west instead), I still had a good night.  I went to orient point, I cast a spell for Lauren & I to both open our eyes & see things from the other’s perspective.  I also cast a spell for money or a job.  I also had a wonderful idea hit me for Stephen’s birthday gift.  I’m going to take my tax refund & save some money every week & use that to take him to Scotland.  I miss Scotland terribly & he has always wanted to go & photograph the castles.  So, why not go back there with him?  It will be wonderful.  I am so excited!  I actually started crying in the car because I know it will be such an amazing moment for us to share.  The funny thing is, his birthday isn’t until may.  LOL.  It gives me time to save up, at least    LOL…I ALWAYS plan ahead like this.  I love the idea, though.

I had a great night with Stephen & Lynn.  They really are so sweet & wonderful.  They are blessings to me.  I put out some energy at orient point for Stephen & I.  That our relationship continues to blossom the way it has been & for me to let him come to me & not push or smother him.  That’s tough for me because I’m so insecure, but it’s what he needs, so I’m going to do my best to back-off a little.  As I told Lynn yesterday during my sitting, I love Stephen too much as a person.  I would NEVER want to hurt him.  Therefore, I will do what I must in order to keep him in my life (I don’t care what “title” he has in my life, so long as he is in my life).

I scheduled a reading for next Friday.  It’s a psychic/tarot reading.  This woman did a reading for me once before & it was great!  I really liked her & what she said.  It was beautiful.  So, I have a full hour session with her on the 9th.  I could really use some guidance & answers, and hopefully she can help provide some of that.  I know I need to find those answers within.  I’m hoping she can shed some light on things for me so I can take it from there.  Again, I asked for clairvoyance & clarity, openness & answers/guidance at orient point tonight.  It was a general spell.  Technically, it wasn’t even a spell so much as a prayer/me putting out the energy.  But getting back to the reading, I’m really excited about this.  I need it right now, I really do.

I know it sounds like I’m spending money I don’t have.  To an extent, I am.  But I got a feeling while I was driving tonight.  The moon was telling me NOT to go to any more bars.  She told me to just go home & that it was done.  The money was coming to me.  What I need is headed my way.  I finally understood the concept of money being energy tonight, and I grasped the concept of the ENERGY coming to me.  Part of that is giving.  As Hazenly knows, if you give, it will come back to you.  I just gave Lynn $100 tip for the tattoo.  She drew it on me on site, she put a lot of effort & thought & time into it & into me.  And I appreciate that.  To be perfectly honest, I’m honored that she put in that much effort & energy into me.  It means a lot.  And although I don’t expect money back from her (the tattoo was the greatest gift she could have given me), perhaps that gesture will come back to me.  I’m not expecting or demanding it.  Instead, I’m just going to let it be & let the energy & magick work its course.

I bought belated xmas gifts for Dawn, Justin & Kari.  They got me something (I haven’t gotten it yet, thank god!), so I ran out today after work to get them each something.  I bought Dawn & Kari each a necklace.  Dawn’s was a goddess-like figure with garnet.  Kari’s is a dolphin with rose-quartz.  I got Justin a beautiful incense holder/burner.  It’s a large black bottle with a blue dragon on it.  You light the incense, put it in the holder, place it in the bottle & let it burn.  So I got him some protection incense too.  I also bought “Drawing Down The Moon” for myself.  This is the 3rd new Wiccan book I’ve bought within the last month!  LOL…I have A LOT of reading to do 

Work was crazy.  10 procedures today.  My legs are STILL hurting from all the running around, lifting/carrying & standing in surgery.  It was good, though.  Busy, but good.  I am beat & I’m glad I don’t have to work for another 2 days.  My body can’t take it 

Well, I am absolutely zonked.  I’m off to bed.  H, thank you so very much for your e-mail.  I greatly appreciate your love & support.  Words cannot describe what that gesture means to me.  Thank you.  Thank you to all of you.  Take care.  Happy new year to all of you.  I wish you love & blessings now & always. 

The tattoo sitting went great!  Little to no pain, Lynn expanded & perfected the design, and it didn’t take long at all.  I look gorgeous!  I am so excited.  It looks sooooooooooooooooooooooooo good!  It is beautiful, absolutely beautiful.  Yea!

Lynn & I talked about a lot of things, one of which was Stephen.  I was kind of hoping the subject came up, but I didn’t want to force it or bring it up.  Lynn is very happy for us.  And she told me to take it slow with him.  She told me he is at a fragile point in his life, and that he needs things to move slowly.  That’s fine.  I recently did an astrology thing that said Tauruses need relationships to move slowly (yep, he’s a bull), which is fine.  She told me that if he doesn’t call or write every day that it’s nothing personal.  That was important for me to hear.  That’s just the way he is.  That’s cool.  She said what you said, Heather.  So, I’m just gonna let things go which ever way they go.  No need to push, pull or force.  I love him too much to let him go or ruin what we’ve built so far.  What I love most about Lynn (and Kelly & Stephen) is just her ability to get it, to understand, etc.  I’ve never had to hide or cover anything up or not be myself.  I love that feeling.  I’ve never been REALLY accepted for who I am.  Many people get “most” of me, but there were parts or philosophies or what have you that seemed foreign to them.  I know I’m “odd,” and I never thought anyone would truely ever get me, but these 3 wonderful souls do & that is the greatest blessing I could ever ask for.  So, at least I’m at peace & comfortable with everything now.  Thank you!!!!

I’m gonna go wash & lubriderm the tattoo.  Then, I’m off to go see my family & some close family friends.  Stephen said he’ll call later.  I REALLY hope I can see him today or tomorrow.  I do miss him    Anyhoo, I’m off.  Catch y’all later!  Love you!

I have my tattoo sitting tomorrow!  Yea!  I’m excited.  It’ll be great.  I love Lynn, and being with her alone will be wonderful.

I haven’t heard from Stephen since early last night when I put up that post.  It makes me anxious & nervous & worried.  Maybe he’s just resting, I don’t know.  But he hasn’t CALLED me in days.  I wonder if he lost my number or if something is legitamtely wrong.  Sigh….

Lauren sent me an e-mail tonight.  I thought things were better since we decided to drop the bullshit from the last time.  Everything was fine, but she thought that since I didn’t divulge information on the Stephen situation that she “lost her status” with me.  This is the kind of shit that kills me.  There have been things she doesn’t go into detail with me & I let it be.  So, why can’t I have the same courtesy?  And why does it have to be turned against me?  I don’t like the idea of my situations becoming ammunition that has turned against me.  The thing is, I was in her house with her entire family around, and maybe, just maybe, I thought it wasn’t the right time.  I told her it was nothing against her, because it isn’t.  I’ve known her for too long & love her too much.  She would know if there was a problem    She knows me, my temper & my sharp tongue well enough to know that    But getting back to the subject, I’m just terribly confused.  I honestly don’t know.  I know the age difference is weird, but I DO want to be with him.  I told her that too.  That pretty much brings her & the rest of the world up to date    Sigh again….  I guess I kinda brought this on myself    It’s just to so weird that these situations find me.  I love Lauren & I wonder why I can’t have what she has (minus the baby).  Maybe I could…Maybe I shouldn’t be with men any more.  Goddamn it, I just don’t know!    I was at Orient Point just the other day.  I lit some candles, burnt incense & TRIED to consult my oracle yesterday, but I still haven’t found the peace or solid answers I normally find with both of those.  My soul is anxious, restless.  Ironically, I’m watching “Girl, Interrupted.”  From what I’ve watched, I really connect with Wynona Rider’s part (plus, I think she looks good, I find her kinda cute in this   ).  Maybe I should go try to draw or paint.  Maybe I’ll go back to Orient point, too.  Ever since my divorce & relationship/break-up with Vinny, I really try to go to outside sources (people, places & things) for answers, since outsiders can see things differently (and often more clearly) than me (or any person IN a situation).  I just wish I got all the same answers like I did with Vinny or my ex-husband.  These mixed reviews kill me    Sigh….Oh well.  Maybe - hopefully talking to Lynn tomorrow can help.  She knows both Stephen & I very well, maybe she can shed some light on this for me.  Ok, I’m going to stop rambling now.  I’ll let you all know how it goes tomorrow.

Huff!  Stephen is sick, but he doesn’t want me to bring him soup or tea    LOL…I sent him an e-mail tell him he was making things difficult for me    I honestly would LOVE to bring him something, but he said he was really tired & I know he needs his sleep & therefore I wouldn’t want to bother him.  I do miss him, though.  Hopefully I can see him soon.  I know I tend to get very attatched very quickly, but I don’t apologise for being myself, for giving people the love & respect & trust they deserve (unless they prove otherwise).  I LOVE to take care of others, and I love to do for others & give to them, in every way.  That may make me seem clingy, but as much as I love to be with that person (really ALL the people in my life), I am clearly able to survive on my own   I’ve done it all this time & I think I’ve done pretty well

Stephen came into my life (romantically) at a rather crazy point.  I had always said to myself that I was going to give men one more chance before I went to bat for the other team    That last chance was Mike.  I said that to myself on the night I met Mike, on my way out to Hofstra.  So, when we broke up & I had just met Tiffany, I was pretty set to find myself a nice woman.  Then Stephen called & the show called, and I felt like the cow in the tornado in “Twister”…LOL!  I had always felt something special with Stephen.  I had a peace &  joy during & after our conversations.  I thoroughly enjoyed our time together & greatly looked forward to seeing him again.  I always felt so very comfortable & open around him.  Now, I really don’t know which way I’m going.  He knows I have my crush on Tiffany, but he also knows I’m not pursuing her.  I would like to take this up a notch, so long as we are thinking along the same lines.  So many people disapprove, though.  My family would shoot me.  Lauren, Dawn, Justin & Kari have been very harsh.  Actually, I was thinking of talking to Justin about it, he’s more open-minded than Dawn.  Maybe I’ll call him after this.  But H & Pam have been open & supportive.  The age difference is the only red flag.  And is age THAT much of an issue?  Even/especially if this doesn’t last long?  I just view this as 2 people connecting on many levels, and the age difference really does disappear when we’re together.  I know my friends are more concerned than anything & that means the world to me, it really does.  They just don’t want me to get hurt, and to say I appreciate their love & concern is an understatement.  But Stephen really is an amazing man.  Sigh…I just don’t know…I just want to see him so much & I wish the age difference was non-existant so I could have my friends’ & family’s support.  This is a toughie.  Oh well.  I can only just ride this out & see where life takes me.  I should go…Gotta do some stuff & try to call Justin.  Goodnight, world.  Sleep well & stay warm! 

A little Astrology report on yours truly.  It’s quite accurate 

SECTION I:  How Lauren Relates to Other People


Mercury Conjunct Pluto with an orb between 1/2 and 1 degree

You’re not awfully good at being disagreed with. You delve into matters, think them through thoroughly and expect your conclusions to be universally shared. Flexibility is not your strong suit. No one should try to lie to you or keep things from you. Somehow you ferret out others’ secrets although you keep your own.

Venus SemiSquare Jupiter with an orb of less than 1 degree

You may be overly self-indulgent and inclined toward excesses of eating, drinking, sex or anything which gives you pleasure. You would not be comfortable with someone who was too reserved. You can be quite extravagant both emotionally and financially.

Mercury Conjunct Venus with an orb between 3 and 5 degrees

Intelligence is sexy to you. If a person you find physically attractive isn’t also bright, verbal and someone you can talk to, you’re not interested. You have a highly developed aesthetic sense and are drawn to people of taste, wit and charm.

Sun Sextile Mars with an orb between 1 and 5 degrees

You are assertive without being overly aggressive and usually go after what you want with confidence and enthusiasm. You enjoy sex and your partners tend to be dynamic, successful people. Your natural energy and moxie is usually sexually interesting to others.

Mercury Sextile Neptune with an orb between 1 and 5 degrees

You know things intuitively as well as rationally and have a rare capacity to perceive in others feelings, thoughts and dreams they may never have openly shared. Anyone close to you would have to share your love of music and interest in spiritual thought.

Venus Sextile Neptune with an orb between 1 and 5 degrees

However cool or cynical you may appear to be externally, you are extraordinarily sensitive and romantic. You are gentle and artistic and would rather do without a relationship than be part of one which does not measure up to your highest ideals of love.

Sigh….I have so much unpacking to do.  I told my mom I am NEVER doing this again: packing up myself & the kitten & staying over night.  Way too much work    But I’m back, Akh is settled, eating her dinner.  I’m just beat.  And I have to work tomorrow, too    Oh well.

Today was nice.  Everyone liked their stuff.  I got some nice stuff, too.  I’m just too tired to go into detail    As Stephen would say, I am in my moon (ladies, you know what I mean) & my energy is really crazy right now.  I’m just bouncing from one thing to another & I’m totally wiped out at the same time    This is killing my stomach, though.  I need to go back on the shot…my bad stomach issues are magnified 10-fold by this.  As much as I hate injecting myself with hormones, I also can’t live feeling like I’m going to vomit or just keel over & die 24-7 for however long.

I miss Stephen.  Thought about him all day today.  I REALLY hope he calls me tomorrow, even if it’s just to say hi.  I want to see him again.  Maybe he & I can get together for dinner tomorrow or saturday night.  It would be nice.  I’ve done a lot of thinking about him & I.  One thing that struck me was that he gets it.  He just gets it.  He understands me, he understands life.  He knows there’s so much more to life, which is why & how we’ve had the conversations we have.  He, unlike any other male I’ve been with, is 3 dimensional.  He is multi-faceted.  There is do much depth to him.  My ex-husband & Vinny were stereotypical & 2-dimensional.  I think Vin may have had some potential, but he let his insecurities rule his life.  Mike DEFINETLY had potential for depth, but again, he let his insecurities take over.  At the moment, he is flat, 2-dimensional.  Stephen, though, has so many layers to him.  Due to experience, education, and open-mindedness.  He says the same about me.  We can talk about anything & everything.  There’s a ton of respect there, too.  We learn a lot from each other & we can tell each other things & not fear judgement.  He told me & showed me some things of his which, on an emotional level, are risky to show an outsider.  But he showed me or told me, and I understood & respected them.  It meant a lot that I didn’t judge him.  I was able to do the same with him.  For me to talk about the cat that I hit with my car & tell him it was a karmic lesson was risky.  Most people think I’m crazy or stupid for thinking that.  Not Stephen.  I haven’t gone into detail with him, but I know if I told him of my encounters with Keith Doug after his passing, or the soldier from the battle of Culloden in Scotland, he wouldn’t judge me.  I haven’t told many people, and when I do, I down-play it because it makes me sound insane.  But Stephen gets it.  He understands & would never think those encounters were bizarre or stupid.  I’ve never been totally honest with anyone.  I’ve found I needed to hide certain things from certain people, especially my family.  But, I hid feelings, events, etc from my ex or Vinny or Mike, even my friends.  Hell, Lauren didn’t know Vinny was a druggie or that I was smoking cigarettes & weed when I was with him until WAY after the break-up.  It’s not that I’m trying to be mean or hurtful.  Lauren would have kicked my ass.  My family just doesn’t understand me, so why add to their confusion.  In any of the times I kept something to myself, it was either to save my hide (physically) or not come off sounding like a total wack-job.  Again, though, I don’t need to be that way with Stephen.  I love that, I really do.  It’s so nice being with someone who I can talk to about ANYTHING.  We can make total asses of ourselves & laugh to death, or we can discuss our beliefs & connections to nature, etc.  I always felt an amazing peace wash over me after our discussions, even in the very beginning.  Now I feel that & it’s magnified.  I am so comfortable around him, and that too, is a new, wonderful feeling. 

Wow.  It’s after 11.  I need to go to bed.  As much as I’d love to go on & on, I can’t    I hope everyone had a great Christmas.  I’ll check in with y’all later.  Good night!

Hello world!  I have nothing new to report.  I’m really just writing to inform my fans (ok, well not really, but…) that I’m heading out for my mom’s tonight after work (I’m going in at around 5 to do evening treatments), and I’ll be there over-night & all day tomorrow.  Bryan, my almost famous actor brother, is flying in tonight.  Yea!  So, it’ll be Christmas with the whole family.  It’ll be nice.  It’ll be quiet, too, since Meg (my mom’s best friend) & her family, specifically her husband, Bill won’t be there.  Meg’s mom died right before Thanksgiving & her dad right before Christmas 2 years ago.  They spent Christmas with us last year, but Bill is an alcoholic & he’s loud & obnoxious anyway.  So last year was slightly painful    But this year will just be us & it should be nice.  I got some good gifts for everyone.  I do pride myself on my gift giving.  I am very thoughtful & creative.  Mike WOULD have learned that about me this Christmas (he was going to get a pair of leather gloves he really wanted & a CD/DVD box set of Lewis Black, one of his favorite comics).  Actually, my BIG surprise for him woulfd have been his birthday.  He always wanted me to cook.  So, for his birthday, I was going to cook my first dinner for him, and it would have been his favorite steak & potato.  It would have been nice & meaningful.  Oh well, his loss!  Now, Stephen’s gonna  have to deal with me spoiling him    LOL.  Well, I have a bunch of stuff to do & get ready, between lunch with Pam & heading out tonight, I don’t have much time    Merry Christmas, all!  I’ll see you all in a couple of days.  I hope you all have a wonderful, beautiful holiday.  Blessed be!

LOL…My tattoo appointment was cancelled & I still spent the last 6 hours there!   Lynn had to cancel…Long story, I know the details & I understand.  I’m getting inked on Monday morning.  I’m still excited.  I asked Stephen to do my dolphin tattoo.  We’re gonna do dolphins around the tribal on my left calf.  I actually have to go search for pictures after this.  Stephen is apprenticing & he told me the other day that he didn’t have many friends to practice on, and this will probably be simple black & grey.  Plus, it would be an honor to have work done by him.  I gave everyone the roses with the borders gift cards & that saying that was in my last post.  They all liked it & Stephen really appreciated the sachet I made for him.  It was for wealth & travel protection.  An unscheduled piercing came into the shop tonight, so he did get extra cash.  He was excited, it was the first sign that it was working.  He gave me a print of one of his (and mine) favorite pictures of an old church in New Mexico.  It’s of the altar/prayer space.  It is beautiful.  That was a great gift.  It was great hanging out with him & Kelly.  We had fun    I asked Stephen to come to my place for new year’s….I’m excited.  A little nervous, but I’m dying to see where the night will take us (HUGE grin!).  I also got to see most of Stephen’s tattoos.  I’ll want to look at them again, but they were GORGEOUS.  He’s had some great work done.  Wow….My mind is in a million places right now.  Watching “Office Space” as I’m eating Rochet chocolates & drinking non-alcoholic egg nog isn’t helping    Well, I’m gonna go, I have a bunch of stuff to do.  Boy, I got good stuff coming up, starting off with my lunch with Pam tomorrow!  Yea!  Ok, I’m off.  Take care.  Merry Christmas & all that good stuff!  Love to everyone!   

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away  that they
were meant to be there, they serve some sort of purpose, teach you a
lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become.

You never know who these  people may be; your roommate, your neighbor,
professor, long lost friend, lover  or even a complete stranger who, when
you lock eyes with them, you know that  very moment that they will affect
your life in some profound way.

And sometimes things happen  to you and at the time they seem horrible,
painful and unfair, but in reflection  you realize that without overcoming
those obstacles you would never have  realized your potential, strength,
will power of heart.

Everything happens for a  reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of
good or bad luck. Illness,  injury, love, lost moments or true greatness
and sheer stupidity all occur to  test the limits of the soul.

Without these small tests, if  they be events, illnesses or relationships,
life would be like a smooth paved,  straight, flat road to nowhere. Safe
and comfortable but dull and utterly  pointless.

The people you meet who affect your life and successes and  downfalls you
experience, they are the ones who create who you are. Even the bad
experience can be learned from… Those lessons are the hardest and
probably the  most important ones.

If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart…  forgive them,
for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of  being
cautious to whom you open your heart.

If someone loves you, love  them back unconditionally, not only because
they love you, but because they are  teaching you to love and opening your
heart and eyes to things you would have  never seen or felt without them.

Make every day count.  Appreciate every moment and take from it everything
that you possibly can, for  you may never be able to experience it again.
Talk to people you have never  talked to before, and actually listen, let
yourself fall in love, break free and  set your sights high. You can make
of your life anything you wish. Create your  own life and then go out and
live it.

~ Author Unknown