December 11, 2003
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Well, we all knew it was coming....Mike & I did break up tonight. It hurt like hell. I'm doing better, trying to remember some things that Stephen & Lynn said to me between last week & today. Stephen told me today that no matter what, I did everything right & that I need to take that with me. I'm trying to. Lynn made some great points tonight, too. We decided to remain friends, but it is hard...I still want to touch him, hold him, etc.... It's hard. On the one hand, I know it's right...this was an impass...there was no way around it. In the future? Who knows...Only time will tell that, I can't concern myself with fantasy or hopeful optimism that may not come true. Anyway, I do feel empty...A part of me died tonight. I know it needed to, just like Ny needed to be put to sleep. But knowing it's the right thing doesn't take away the pain. But it's time to move on. I'll adjust eventually. It's hard....Shit like this makes me think my dad WAS right, that no one will ever love me. I can't keep talking about this, it's too tough, too emotional, too sensitive....
The tattooing itself was great! Bearly any pain....The left side was worse, but still so much better than I had anticipated. We ended up not doing my original theme, because Lynn said it would be too think & not soft or feminine, which was what I wanted. Instead it's kind of leafy/viney/flowery...It is GORGEOUS. It goes down to just above my navel. It is so soft & elegant & sexy & beautiful & feminine... It is absolutely amazing! I love Lynn....She is so talented, she has such a gift! So, this means that I'm not retired yet, there will be a #13...It will be dolphins or porposes, probably integrated with the tribal on my left calf...I'll schedule an appt for that at my next sitting. But anyway, today went REALLY well...I am so siked about this tat...It is so beautiful! Well, it's getting REALLY late, and I need to get some sleep. So, I'm off to bed, hopefully to face a better, brighter tomorrow....
Comments (3)
Oh Lauren, I am very sorry that you and Mike broke up. I know what it feels like to think: " This is IT! I found someone who loves me!" and the have everything come crashing down on me once again. It hurts like a mother, but you actually should be proud of yourself for allowing the break up. See, you ARE a strong vibrant woman! You knew deep inside that he holding you back & wasn't giving you what you deserved...no...what you NEEDED! You broke off the relationship before the relationship broke YOU! *sigh* It still hurts though, doesn't it? {{{{hugs}}}}
YAY! Getting this tattoo was perfect timing! Being tattooed always makes me feel better. As I like to say:Pain helps pain. I can't wait to see it! It sounds beautiful ( and totally makes me want to get another!)
Please take care of yourself... surround yourself with those who know & love you best...they will help you through this difficult time. Oh...and if you need anything....I'm right here!
H.
Hazenly's got it wrong. But I love you for being a friend to lauren. It's because neither of us could/would give up our religion.
We both had our doubts about "us," that doesn't make us bad ppl, just bad for eachother (romantically).
That's all that needs to be said on here.
:waaahh:
sorry baby.
Donna
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