December 16, 2003
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Boy am I itchy!
The tat is REALLY peeling So work was ok. I got to see Dawn & Kari & Tiffany tonight (yes, the girl I have the hots for....lol). They all saw the ink & LOVE it. I got to undress Tiffany a couple of times tonight, too....She & the others were trying on dresses for a performance they have on Friday It was fun. I'd never push her, she's not sure if she is bi or not, and as great as it was to show her my boobs, I still kept my distance (even in joking) out of respect for her.
My phone service got cut off....I just paid it & am waiting for service to return....Just a few minutes. But it's just another hassel. Sigh/argh
My mind is all over the place about Stephen. Time will tell. I just know that he is very important to me, and no matter what, I do not want to lose his presence in my life.
My best friend is being a total bitch right now & it's killing me. Right after last Thursday when I stopped talking to Mike & the Stephen & TV show hit, she got all pissy saying I wasn't giving her time. I told her my life was crazy & I'm sorry that I needed time for my personal business but it was nothing against her. Well, that was her way of telling me something was wrong. I know what it is now. It's not good, it's scary as hell & I'm worried about her, but she's trying to make me out to be a bad guy for not instantly reading between the lines & knowing that the attitude meant she was in a bad place. I keep apologising to her & telling her how shitty this is making me feel, but goddamn it, don't blame me! I'm sorry I was an ass & could decipher your code. I just don't know what she wants from me. It kills, because I want nothing more than to be there for her, comfort & support her. She says she wants that too, yet she's aiming her guns at me at the same time. It's frustrating & hurtful & confusing. No matter how much I think about it or talked about it today with Dawn & Kari, it's eating me away & pissing me off at the same time. I really just need to let it out, which is the point of this entry. I just wish she could ease up a little, see things from my vantage point for one second & not blame me. I feel shitty enough not being there with her, for her, but this just makes it worse. Sigh....I gotta go lubriderm myself & call the girls up....I might be meeting up with them & Justin for dinner/desert/whatever. Like an ostrich, ifd it's not there, it can't bother/hurt/affect me
Bad way of handling things, I know. But right now, with my entire emotional life taking on the form of a roller-coaster, NOT thinking is a good thing
Comments (2)
An itchy tattoo you can't reach is a horrible feeling...unless you know someone who can slather you up with lotion! *grinning*
I don't know what to make of your friend. I don't own a crystal ball nor am I a mind reader (...damn! I always wanted to read minds,too!) so I have no idea why she would be upset because you could smell trouble, she obviously wanted you to know or else she wouldn't have griped about you not spending time with her. *sigh* I dunno! *shrugs shoulders*
Ta!
h.
btw- I am little jealous that you showed Tiff your boobs.
*blush*
Well...I AM!
*sigh*
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