December 27, 2003

• Huff!  Stephen is sick, but he doesn't want me to bring him soup or tea    LOL...I sent him an e-mail tell him he was making things difficult for me    I honestly would LOVE to bring him something, but he said he was really tired & I know he needs his sleep & therefore I wouldn't want to bother him.  I do miss him, though.  Hopefully I can see him soon.  I know I tend to get very attatched very quickly, but I don't apologise for being myself, for giving people the love & respect & trust they deserve (unless they prove otherwise).  I LOVE to take care of others, and I love to do for others & give to them, in every way.  That may make me seem clingy, but as much as I love to be with that person (really ALL the people in my life), I am clearly able to survive on my own   I've done it all this time & I think I've done pretty well

  
  

  Stephen came into my life (romantically) at a rather crazy point.  I had always said to myself that I was going to give men one more chance before I went to bat for the other team    That last chance was Mike.  I said that to myself on the night I met Mike, on my way out to Hofstra.  So, when we broke up & I had just met Tiffany, I was pretty set to find myself a nice woman.  Then Stephen called & the show called, and I felt like the cow in the tornado in "Twister"...LOL!  I had always felt something special with Stephen.  I had a peace &  joy during & after our conversations.  I thoroughly enjoyed our time together & greatly looked forward to seeing him again.  I always felt so very comfortable & open around him.  Now, I really don't know which way I'm going.  He knows I have my crush on Tiffany, but he also knows I'm not pursuing her.  I would like to take this up a notch, so long as we are thinking along the same lines.  So many people disapprove, though.  My family would shoot me.  Lauren, Dawn, Justin & Kari have been very harsh.  Actually, I was thinking of talking to Justin about it, he's more open-minded than Dawn.  Maybe I'll call him after this.  But H & Pam have been open & supportive.  The age difference is the only red flag.  And is age THAT much of an issue?  Even/especially if this doesn't last long?  I just view this as 2 people connecting on many levels, and the age difference really does disappear when we're together.  I know my friends are more concerned than anything & that means the world to me, it really does.  They just don't want me to get hurt, and to say I appreciate their love & concern is an understatement.  But Stephen really is an amazing man.  Sigh...I just don't know...I just want to see him so much & I wish the age difference was non-existant so I could have my friends' & family's support.  This is a toughie.  Oh well.  I can only just ride this out & see where life takes me.  I should go...Gotta do some stuff & try to call Justin.  Goodnight, world.  Sleep well & stay warm! 

  • 7:13 pm
  • 2 Comments