Another pounding headache today….Joy! 

I got my inspiration for today’s entry while in the shower.  It struck me how we let fear ruin our lives.  So many people live & fear & don’t risk anything, and they lose so much for it.  It’s a shame.  I’ve encountered a few of those people & I see their lives dead end.

We fear the unknown, the unseen, anything/everything that lies beyond human thinking.  Instead of embracing what is greater than us, we fear it.  We fear making decisions if we don’t know or understand the consequences of that decision.  I am guilty of this too.  But I have also learned that the unknown does not always equal badness.  The outcome is what we make of it.

I’ve been forced to make some scary decisions, and in many cases, I couldn’t let fear hold me back.  In some cases, I came out fine, in others, hurt.  But as I moved on I would look back & see the good that would come out of that decision.  You can grow & learn & become a better person from EVERY situation.  It’s up to you to decide if that’s the way you want to live your life.  I personally find more gratituide & contentment in being positive about things. 

I gained so much by taking risks & letting go of my fears.  I got into veterinary medicine by taking a risk & taking a job I thought I’d hate, and now look at me!  I took a risk taking each of my jobs, but they taught me so much & I’m a better vet tech for them.  I took risks in my personal relationships, in moving, in every aspect of my life.  Hell, I took a risk in facing my fear of fish (No, I’m not kidding.  I used to be phobic of fish.  Strange I know, but that’s besides the point) & I took the internship at the Riverhead Foundation for Marine Research & Preservation.  That was the best decision I could have made.  I fell in love with Marine Mammal work…I learned & experienced so much…it was an amazing experience.  Even decisions like dating Vinny or getting married helped me.  There was pain there, but I grew as a person from that.  I learned & experienced & matured.  I faced the fears of being alone, getting divorced, etc., and I came out so much better for it.

My grandfather has a pillow that says ‘No Guts, No Glory.”  He got it during some major business acquisition or something.  History of that aside, I agree with that statement.  There is so much to experience in life, and living in fear keeps you from those experiences.  It does take a lot of guts to bite the bullet & face the unknown.  But, wouldn’t you rather live a full life than a life of regret & what if’s? 

I can go on & on, but I’m basically repeating myself.  It just doesn’t make sense to me to live in fear & not live a full life.  Just think about making the best out of every decision & not letting fear hold you back from your full potential.

Lots o’ stuff today….

First let me start by finishing this never ending religion debate.  Religious beliefs can be debated endlessly, but personally, I’d rather not.  God judges ALL, weighs the heart of each person.  To everyone: Do us both a favor & don’t woryy about what happens to me in the after-life.  If God needs to talk with me, we will sit down & talk it out together.  It’s just between him & I, though.  Please remember that.  So, I’ll end it there.

Second on my mind is something I can’t even divulge.  Dawn asked me a question the other night.  She challenged.  Challenged my morals, ethics.  Challenged me to go out on a limb.  It wasn’t a bad thing, but “risky” (for lack of a better word).  I’ve been confused enough as it is this week, that question did NOT help.  Sigh….I find myself asking that question over & over, but I don’t have an answer.  I think only time will tell that.  Who knows?  I’d LOVE to get it off my chest, but I can’t.  I can’t tell anyone, that kills me…I do best talking things out with other people, and this has to be kept “secret.”  Let me NOT think about it, so it doesn’t eat me alive….

I’m sulking today because of the snow!  We had a harsh winter last year, I got robbed of a real summer & now it’s snowing again.  It’s not fair!  Damn you white, arctic people!    LOL…Just kidding 

I’ve been getting a lot of headaches lately.  Not sure if they’re stress or anemia related.  Just odd….

Get the final tattoo next week.  Can’t believe it’s finally/already here.  I’m excited.  This is a big gift I’m giving myself.  It’s the last step in my physical transformation.  And the positive effect it will have on my self-esteem is unbelievable.  I’m excited & nervous…But happy.  Now I’ll truly be able to accept my body…I can be proud…I paid for each tat with my own money, they all represent who I am, they all beautify me.  Yea!  I’m siked!  I’m meeting with Lynn, my artist, later today to finalize everything….Can’t wait!

Well, I think that’s it for now.  Stay warm everyone!

Religion’s come up a lot lately….I’ve had some big religion discussions this week with friends, family (both Mine & Mike’s), etc.  It’s been great being able to express my personal views, and I’ve learned a lot, gained some good insight from these discussions as well.  But I do think there was one thing I left out.  So, I’ll put it here for all the world to see, and I’m hoping that’ll bring everything to a close, because in all honesty, I don’t want to discuss this anymore…Think ostrich hiding technique.

The bottom line (to me) is kind of 2-fold, but first off, all religions have the same core beliefs: Do well, treat others well, live a good moral life as best you can.  Wicca, Christianity, Buddhism, Islam, all religions will tell you that.  They just differ on their view of God.  Some religions will tell you that their way is the only way, I beg to differ.  I personally feel that there is no “only one way” to heavan/valhalla/paradise/the after-life.  My own belief is that anything & everything is possible.  My opinion won’t change what awaits me, or how to get there, so I believe it is all possible.  I could go on & on, but that’s not the point.  Anyway, secondly, the point of religion is to help you understand the world around you.  There are so many mysteries in life, and we turn to faith to help us understand them, to try to make sense of things.  Just like so many other things in life, this is subjective.  What you see, what you experience, what you learn puts your own twist on answering these mysteries.  So, really, who are we to judge someone else’s opinion if it differes from ours?  If it makes sense to them, if it helps them to understand the world around them, then how/why is it wrong?  I differ in beliefs from Wiccan friends of mine, but that doesn’t bother me or change my views of them, because I understand that that is what they need.  My views are mine, and mine alone.  I am not looking for anyone to embrace them, because they work for me, they don’t need to work for you.  Just as I don’t expect you to embrace my ideas, please don’t expect me to embrace yours.  True contentment understands that everyone is different, and does not need to push anything onto anyone if it’s not right for them.  A lot of people confuse “believe” with “know.”  Those words are NOT interchangeable.  I hope I don’t come across harsh, I don’t mean to.  As I said, religion is supposed to help you understand the world around you, and therefore it should be personalized: “To each his/her own.”