I’m glad everyone liked that story in my last entry. It was actually a forward my mom e-mailed to me, and I really felt I should share it. To go along with the theme of the inherant goodness of people, I am going to use a story from my own life.
It will be 4 years in just a few days. The first 2 weeks of February were the last days of my marriage. My ex-husband & I had a dog, which we had gotten together. The dog became progressively worse in his aggressive behvior. He went from biting me once, to biting me (or trying to) a few times daily. He bit a neighbor’s child, he tried to bite & attack my co-workers, and pretty much anyone or anything that wasn’t my ex. We tried training, medications, everything I could. The doctors at the vet hospital I worked for at the time said they would have euthanised him long before that because he was too much of a risk.
Finally, after he bit me on the neck, near my jugular vein, I agreed. I called my ex at work & told him I was setting up an appointment on Monday (this was a Saturday) to put the dog down. My ex said we’d talk about it when we both got home from work later that day.
While at work, a client who did rescue work was getting in a litter of Australian Shepheards. I told her I’d visit her that night to look at the puppies (to replace the dog I was going to put down).
When I got home, my ex scoffed at my bite-wound. I told him that if a dog goes for your neck or face, it means they have no fear & they will do it again. I told him I wasn’t going to live like this. He looked at me with horror and anger and sadness all at the same time. “You are being so unfair and so irrational! How can you do this to me?” He asked. “How can you make me decide between you and my son?!” I was floored when he said that. I told him I was going to look at those puppies, that I think we needed time away from each other to calm down, think, regroup, etc. He was NOT happy.
Needless to say, softy that I am, I did end up adopting a puppy from that litter. That dog had a crazy first few weeks of living with me. After I adopted her, I drove to my clinic & let myself in. I called a co-worker & told her what was going on & that I planned to stay at the hospital that night. She invited me to stay with her & her husband, even though I had the puppy with me. She & her husband showed me hospitality beyond what I could have imagined that night. I did call my ex that night, and it got ugly fast. He asked me where I was and I wouldn’t tell him. I told him I needed to be where I was & that I would be at work the next day.
What ensued the next two weeks was pure insanity. There were a couple of days I stayed at home. There were days I would go home & then leave again. There were days I hid all together. He & I argued endlessly. During this time, I went to my regular therapy session at the YWCA. I told my therapist what was going on & she helped me to see the abuse that was going on in the marriage. She told me I was strong. She also told me that if I didn’t want to go back, that I didn’t have to. That was my last session with Renee, but it was the most powerful. I did stay at the YWCA’s women’s shelter one night, as well as at co-worker’s homes and the animal hospital. It was tough for me because I was in a state I didn’t know, and my co-workers were the only people I did know, and I had a big pick-up truck with two-tone paint & a vanity plate (kind of hard to hide driving around in that thing). But somehow, I got through. As the time of those 2 weeks went on, I stayed at home less, and my ex began stalking me, mainly at work, but I feared everywhere I went. I was always looking over my shoulder. But my co-workers continued to provide graciousness and hospitality. I stayed with one for days, we had even talked about having me move in with her and her sister. But then, my ex began stalking and harassing everyone at the hospital. They began to feel unsafe too. I couldn’t jeopardise them in any way.
Valentine’s Day comes. Valentine’s Day 2000 was a day I’ll never forget. I got a restraining order against my ex. It was the first thing I did that morning. Then, I went to work only to find out that my ex’s behavior had gotten worse. The animal hospital asked me to leave for everyone’s safety, I understood. After all that I asked of them, and all that they had endured because of my ex, they were still terribly kind and we left on wonderful terms. They showed me warmth, love, hospitality, generosity and graciousness like I have never seen before or since. At the end of Valentine’s Day, I went to a local car dealership. I had been speaking to them for a few days, and Valentine’s was the last time. I had no down payment, no credit, I had no trade-in (the truck was in my ex’s name, I was merely a co-signer). The salesman told the owner of the dealership what was going on. The owner then proceeded to call Ford Credit & told them they MUST give me that car because it was an emergency situation. So, after signing all the papers, the salesman and I dropped the truck off in a Burger King parking lot, and locked it up for my ex to pick up. I drove away in my “get away” car. I called my mom as soon as I got back to that co-worker’s house. I told her I had the new car, I was packing everything up, and I was heading back for NY that night. She told me to wait, that she’d call me back. About an hour later, she called me telling me that she had a plane ticket to the Detroit airport in the morning. So, on February 15th, I drove across the state to the Detroit airport, picked up my mom, and with bird & puppy packed up too, we drove back to NY together.
Now, I’m re-hashing this not to get sympathy. I don’t need it or deserve it. It was scary at the time, but 4 years later, I just view it as an event in my life. What continues to amaze me to this day, is what my co-workers did for me. They went above & beyond, to say the least. They made sure I was safe. Their own well-being was at risk, and they took it in stride. They sheltered me, fed me, protected me, as well as my bird & that new puppy. The YWCA shelter made SURE that I did not go back to my ex. They would not release me until they spoke to Liane, the co-worker I stayed with the longest (the one who I had talked about moving in with). The car dealership did not give up on me, knowing my story. I couldn’t give them a penny, but they let me drive away in that car. Everyone looked out for me. They took me in and they hardly knew me. And none of us knew how violent my ex would or would not be. And yet, these people helped me anyway. I can never thank them enough. Every once in a while, I contact them, just to say hi & thank them a little more. Even if I had eternity to thank them, it would not be enough.
So, when you’re depressed; when you read the horrible stories in the newspapers; when some idiot cuts you off on the highway; when people just seem rude, selfish and inconsiderate, remember this. Remind yourself of this story. Remember that there are wonderful people out there. Not everyone out there is such an asshole. Inherant goodness lives in all of us. Blessed be.
EVERYONE was cranky today. As much as it sucks, you really shouldn’t be too short with a co-worker. They don’t want to be there either & they are not necessarily the cause of your frustration (or whatever it is you might be feeling). It just bothers me. I didn’t want to go in today, but I did & I had no reason to be bitchy with my co-workers. They’re suffering too, why make it worse? 
I hate snow! I was robbed of a summer this year (it was chilly & rained for most of the spring & summer), and more snow just pisses me off more 
She’ll be ok.