January 15, 2004

• Phew!  I am beat!  I've been feeling weird all day, feverish at some times.  Even though it's localised, I think the infection in my finger is really bothering me.  I've been taking my meds, but I need to be careful because it upsets my stomach    LOL...I can never win    I'll be fine.  Finger hurts like a mo' fo' every once in a while, but it could be worse.  It's just hard cleaning & dressing it myself when the wound is on my dominant hand 

  
  

  Akh's bloods came back normal.  Wohoo!    But now it looks like she's fighting a minor viral infection or maybe a URI.  Probably gonna have to put her on meds    Gotta make sure she's 100% before we get her into surgery.  Poor baby girl!  She has had such a rough first few months of life!

  
  

  We had the weirdest thing happen at work today.  We've had this very sick cat hospitalized since yesterday.  He looked old & thin & appeared to be dying.  We all said things under our breath about how he should be put to sleep.  He was old & in respiratory distress, put him out of his misery!  Today, Dr. Jacobson told me to set stuff up for them to sedate him & look in his mouth.  He was a nasty cat & his mouth was filled with pus, so he needed to be sedated for a THOROUGH exam.  Zawie & Jakie were walking down stairs with the cat discussing the case.  Zawie was saying that he had spoken to the owner & the owner was hopeful that it might have been some kind of foreign body.  Both Zawie & Jakie laughed saying, "Yeah, right!"  Zawie was assuming it was cancer.  So, they sedate the cat & prop his mouth open.  Jakie exclaims that he sees something.  Zawie gets a hemostat, and Jakie then proceeds to pull out a VERY LARGE HAIRBALL from the cat's soft palate.  It was huge!  Cat INSTANTLY started breathing better, acting like his normal, obnoxious self.  Instantaneous recovery.  Amazing, huh?  We talked about it all day.  It will never cease to amaze me, that's for sure.

  
  

  Totally off the subject, in response to your response to my last post, H, I see your point.  I never thought of it that way.  Honestly, I've always been afraid that a woman would be MORE critical of my body.  I guess I feared that a woman who has the same body would be more critical or disappointed with me/my body.  Maybe not, though.  I won't know until I'm with a woman, and I'm sure the right woman would make all the difference.  No matter who/what, I just don't wanted to be judged or criticised any more.  I want to be taken for ME.  I am so much more than my boobs or ass or tattoos.  My outter shell is NOT a reflection of the person inside.  I'm just so self-conscious & nervous.  I've been alone for so long & have heard so many hurtful things about my body or sexuality or whatever, that I'm afraid to disappoint another person, or to have this last fragile peice of myself broken.  I have a lot of love to give, I just need that same love & nurturing spirit reciprocated.  I need to feel safe in a relationship for once.  I think I'll finally experience that with "Deer."  Sigh...Daydreaming.....    

  • 7:38 pm
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