Wow. So today was crazy. I had a helluva time waking up this am. But somehow I managed 
LOL…Work was BUSY. We just went non-stop. No one got lunch or any kind of break. We just kept running. But it was good. Busy is always good As usual, though, I did have my curse of getting all the bizarre/psychotic clients. None of the doctors want to go into the rooms with me ’cause I always get the creeps/weirdos LOL…The last few were semi-normal, but the cases were wacky. LOL! As much as it kills me physically, I love this job. Definetly keeps you on your toes! After work, Gloria, one of the vets, looked at Akhenaten. I brought her in hoping to get her checked out. I was afraid it wasn’t gonna happen ’cause we were so busy. But, she did look at her. Gloria is dating an orthopedic surgeon, and he looked at x-rays we took of Akh a while back. He said everything was normal. But those were pelvic shots. Today, Gloria did some neuro tests. Normal. Hips were normal. Then she got to the knees. Bilateral luxating patellas. Basically, that means both knees slip out of place. She’s gonna need surgery on both knees. Gloria is going to talk to her boyfriend about how old Akh needs to be for surgery, etc. My guess is, between spaying her & the 2 knee surgeries, Akhenaten will have 3 surgeries in a year to a year and a half’s time. I’m concerned about putting her under anesthesia so often. I don’t think we can spay her & do one knee all in one surgery, which if we could, would be ideal. I know she needs these surgeries, and I want to do them ASAP so she’s not in any pain, but as a mother, I worry. But I knew she would need some type of big orthopedic surgery. That’s why I took her. No one else would. No one outside of a veterinary professional of some sort, would take a kitten KNOWING she’d need orthopedic surgery right off the bat. Poor little girl. Gloria said the knees slip out of place REALLY easily. That’s probably why she falls. The knees slip so instead of landing on her feet, she lands in a sitting position. No matter how much training or schooling or experience you have, this kinda shit makes you worry. I have faith. She’ll be ok. I’ll make sure of it. Sigh…Oh well.
Yeah, H, it does suck having poor credit. My divorce hurt my credit, too. I have a repo on my record because of my ex. I’m TRYING to build my credit, but it ain’t easy. As callous as this sounds, once I have my inheritance, I won’t need to worry. I’ll have more than enough for a house. Especially if I get out of this hell-hole known as Long Island. Then I’ll REALLY be ok financially I hate thinking like that. Nothing could ever replace the presents of the presence of my grandfather in my life. But I know he won’t be around forever. I HAVE to face up. I’m lucky he’s been around as long as he has (I’ve known so many people who lost grandparents long before now). 2 things told me that this may be the year, too. When I went out looking for bar work the other day, a voice whispered to me, “Don’t worry about it (money). Go home now.” The next day was the day I found out how much I’ll be getting. I also consulted my oracle day before yesterday (I think) which also told me that I needed to accept & prepare for the death part of the life cycle. As Dawn said, if I keep focusing on that & thinking that way, I’ll be putting out negative energy which could only hurt him, which I really don’t want to do. So, how does one prepare without putting out such negative energy? I don’t want to hurt my grandfather in any way, but like a child, I think, “Oh, he’ll be around forever. He’ll always be here.” Well, I should just flat-out stop. I’ll just NOT talk about that.
I’ve been told (mainly through my horoscope) a few times between yesterday & today, that I should let go & let Stephen come to me. My horoscope today said, “Every action, however simple, has its consequences. Are you hungry for the long-term benefits or the immediate experience? Weigh your motives before following your impulses.” Clearly, my mind is in the NOW mode. So, as difficult as it is for me to sit back & keep my mouth shut, I am going to wait to hear from him. I don’t want to push or rush him. I can’t force him to trust me. He needs to learn that he can trust me on his own. Good things come to those who wait, right? I’m still getting flack about it from Dawn & Kari, though. I know Lauren disapproves, too. And they have a point. I understand the reasons for why they’re saying what they’re saying. But none of them know HIM. Maybe that would change their minds, I don’t know. Lauren made a point of saying that. I just wish Dawn & that crowd would think that way, to be open to him to some degree. But they judged him completely based on his attraction to me. That’s not fair to him. Maybe this whole set-up isn’t fair to him. Maybe it’s my insecurities that are making me cling to this. Again, I don’t know. But I feel that I need to at least see where this goes, if anywhere. It may not go anywhere. Whatever is meant to be, will be. I can’t push it in any direction. So, I will let nature take over & run its course properly.
Damn! This is one long, rambling entry! LOL….Sorry. Well, I’m hungry any way. I should go eat something Take it easy, everyone. I hope all is well in your corners of the world. Blessed be on this beautiful, starry night of the waxing moon!
Oh well. This is me trying to remain calm & go at his pace, he needs it. It’s just tough for me. I’m so insecure that I desperately cling to people, afraid of losing them. I know that the grip of death I have does more harm than good. It’s just that when you’re told no one will ever love you, and when someone DOES pay attention to you, you don’t want to let it go in any way. I know I’ll be better off waiting, it’s just hard. I’m in a place I’ve never been, doing something I’ve never done. It’s just an odd feeling, that’s all.