March 8, 2004

• Today is Mike's birthday.  I had to cross it off my calendar when I changed to March.  It's kinda funny...I had such big plans for today for him.  I was going to cook for him for the first time (that was a big deal to him).  It was going to be his favorite dinner, and we were going to watch his favorite movie.  I had even been considering having a Limo pick him up at school & bring him here.  Damn, I'm a good girlfriend.  And yet, here I sit, alone, cold (it's just cold outside & if it's below 75, I'm frozen ).  I don't wish him ill by any means.  On the contrary, I hope he's having a nice day & that he & his folks had or have (depending on whether they went already or not) a great time at Greenfields (great restaurant in Farmingdale...AMAZING food).  It just sucks that he couldn't look past my belief system.  I had encouraged him so much, I really took an active interest & supported him in all that he did (but sad to say, it was never reciprocated).  He is a good guy, he really is.  But, he doesn't have much life experience, which for me is a bit of a problem considering that I have more life experience than some 40 year olds.  We couldn't really mesh on that, but I was willing to be patient, let him grow & learn & see.  But that damn religious issue.  I don't care what anyone belives so long as they don't shove it down my throat.  Why couldn't he be that way with me?!  I never gave him a reason to do what he did.  Then again, I never gave Vinny or my ex a reason, and they treated me like shit.  I just don't get this.  I'm trying my damndest to break this abusive cycle...  Maybe it will with a woman.  I did get a note from a very cute girl in Valley Stream.  She's 29.  Seems real down to earth & cool.  Hopefully we'll start e-mailing each other & maybe things can grow from there.  If not, I lose nothing.  No harm in trying, right?  I wonder if because today is "Mike's day" - maybe that's the reason I'm kinda depressed today.  Negative/incorrect energy (for me) - it's probabaly pretty strong out there & I'd bet that it's dragging my spirit down.  Oh well.  I was hoping to go out tonight, and I just don't see that happening.  Maybe for a drive, but nothing more than that.  I'm dressed up, too...Lookin' pretty good.  I was considering going to a gay pool hall, but I don't want to go alone.  Eh, whatever...Doesn't matter at this point.  I should go give Akh her evening pain pill & then decide what I'm doing with myself.  So, I guess that'll be all for now, then.  Good night. 

  • 9:10 pm
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