March 15, 2004
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Hello all! Thank you all so much for your love & concern. I am doing better today, and I just plan on taking it really slow & easy this week. bit by bit, my stomach is recovering, though. Thank you so mych, your kindness means the world to me.
I've been catching up on the L Word. I'm up to episode 6 or 7. Oh my god! So good!
So much going on, and I'm lovin' it! You see, Playmakers was my soap opera last season & when I heard it was cancelled, I was heartbroken. What was I going to do with myself (Ok, I might be exaggerating here just a tad, but you get the idea 
). Now, I have my new soap oera & I love it. Karina Lombard....Sigh....That is one GORGEOUS woman!
I did want to make a post about Ostara, and now would be a good time to do so
Ostara, Ostre, Oestara (I think those are the various spellings. Please correct me if I'm wrong) is a pagan holiday. It is on the Spring Equinox. Now is when we celebrate the day & night being equal. The time of fertility & growth has arrived. Now, the story I'm about to relay is what Rob from my witches group told me. This is the story of the Easter egg hunt (first of all, do we not see the closeness of the words Easter & Ostara?! Hmmm....)
Many witches used to bury eggs at Ostara (We still continue to do so. I myself will be performing this ritual). It was for fertility. It was to give the Earth fertility & to thank her for what she gives us. Well, the old Christians (I'm sorry to my christian readership. I mean no personal offense or attack on you, this is history, though), who hated & feared the witches did not like their tradition at all. So, they sent people out to hunt the eggs. It was a way to hunt & persecute the pagans, and to undo our fertility ritual. Nice tradition, huh? The easter egg hunt we play with our children has its origin in persecution & a lack of acceptance to other traditions. Right up there with ring around the rosey stemming from the plague. Oh, what lovely things we teach our children...
Anyway, continuing on my paganism rant... My mom saw my pentacle when we were in the hospital yesterday. Oddly enough, that retardedly paper-thin hospital gown did not cover it.
My mother, thinking it was a star of david, asked me if I had turned Jewish now. No, I said. I explained to her it was a gift from Dawn & Justin (which it was) & that it is just a cat sitting on a star. She seemed to buy it. Ironically later, she read excerpts from the DaVinci Code to me They were about the pentagram & how that represented the divine female, and other passages about Paganism & even the origin of the word Pagan! I tried to act surprised & interested at the same time. LOL...Not easy trying to cover something like that up I do have to come out to her, though, soon. I need to come out of the pagan & bisexual closests with her. I hate hiding this, but my mother is somewhat narrow minded & isn't always able to grasp complex concepts. I may not be giving her enough credit, but I don't see her being able to understand my personal evolution & decision to become a witch. And I'm really not sure if she can appreciate TRUE bisexuality. Not "Girls Gone Wild" bisexuality, but TRUE, legitamit bisexual lifestyles. Part of the problem is that even if it's blatantly in her face, she may try to hide, ignore, or deny the subject. She does that with the issues with my dad. She even gets flustered if I make a quick, snyde comment about my father. She tells me to be quiet, not to say such things about him, as if he or my brother might actually hear me from 2,000 - 3,000 miles away. She finally acknowledged the verbal abuse which is a HUGE step for her. I'm proud of her & happy about that, but how much longer can she deny me those 7 years of sexual abuse?! Ooops! Sorry about that tangent. My point was, my mother likes to avoid such uncomfortable issues. We call her the ostrich in my family. If she can't "see" it or acknowledge it, it must not be there. Hence my concern & hesitation with coming out to her about these topics.
I think have rambled MORE than enough here
So sorry! Anyway, have a great night, all. Take care. Much love & many blessings to you all!
P.S., Stephen just sent me this link. So long as you don't mind harsh language, click on it, it's funny as hell!
http://www.updater.co.uk/
Comments (5)
Y'know what? You are awesome. That's all I've got to say. You are awesome. Have a great evening/day/afternoon/life.
:femmeblk:I plan on taking the Kava Kave at night so I hope it does make me really, really sleepy that way maybe I will go to bed before 3 haha
:coffee:
I understand what you mean with not being able to tell your mom about things...my mom says she's tolerant of things but already i've tried to talk to her about my bisexuality in a way that didn't really involve me (one of those "so what would you do if you were in this situation?" type of things) and she pretty much said she doesn't care about gays as long as they aren't related to her...heh, so does that mean she'd disown me if she found out I was bi? She thinks bisexuals are people who just can't make up their mind if they're gay or straight...which is totally not true at all...I think bisexuals are the only people totally true to themselves. They don't deny either sex, they don't say "girls are icky because..." or "guys are icky because..." they don't deny any part of themselves! I think bisexuality is a beautiful thing...and heck, so is homosexuality...even heterosexuality can be beautiful...love is love, no matter who it's with or how you spell it. But yes...with the Paganism rant, did you know that rabbits were also the symbol of many fertility Goddesses? Another thing taken from us...rabbits were also many times seen as "witches familiars" and during the time of the witch hunts if someone accused of being a witch happened to own a rabbit (or a rat or a toad or a cat) the animal would be killed horribly...poor pets! Good thing people are smarter than that nowadays...or are they? At least you don't see many police coming into your house and smashing fluffy nowadays o_O But yes...i've quite fallen behind in my Pagan learning these days...what date does Ostara fall on this year exactly? I've been so very busy with college learning, i've just totally left behind my calling...definately not what I wanted to do...ahhh! I'm falling behind, noooo...perhaps all the doctors appointments and constant running around and surgery and everything really set me back...blahness...but yes...if you could tell me when Ostara is that'd be great...I want to try and do a ritual then, if I haven't already missed it...get myself back in tune with nature and the Goddess...I really need it with the anxiety attacks i've been having lately, just need some good time to myself to meditate and such. Oo yeah, and this show, the L-word, is that on TV or are you viewing it online? If it's online, could you give me the link? Or if it's on TV, can you tell me like what network and time? Hopefully I can see it...I need something new to become a fanatic over, i've already seen all 7 seasons of Buffy, lol. :biggrin: I'm glad you're feeling better *hugs* just take it easy for awhile and you'll be good as new...I must be going now, much to do, but I wish you the best of luck with everything and I hope to hear from you again soon!
love and blessings,
Taby
You know, I've got to get Showtime. I've got every channel imaginable except for Showtime. Figures. I've never heard of "The L-Word" until you mentioned it. Sounds great. I've gotta see it.
Also, sometimes it's just nicer if we don't tell people everything. Especially when we know for certain that they wouldn't like it, or be able to handle it. Not that you should live in secret, just don't offer up anything. If you are asked, however, that is another story.
My own mother is very closed-minded. She doesn't think so. She thinks she is sooooo damned open about everything. Not so. I know what things to mention, and what things to keep hush about. I like her more like this. This way I am not setting myself up for a) ridicule, b) chastisement, c) degradation, or d) all of the above. I am a firm believer in "Herbwytche's Rules for Good Living - No. 97: If it doesn't feel good, then you probably shouldn't ought to be doing it!"
I take great pains to avoid things that make me feel "not good." I stay happier with myself that way. I don't necessarily like that she doesn't know, but I like myself better when I don't doubt my choices or feel like I'm being looked down upon or disappointing someone. Yeah - LOTS happier. :biggrin:
But we're all different. Every situation is a different one. You have to decide how to deal with it and what will make you feel good. Whatever that is - that's what you should do. Make yourself feel GOOD.
Love and light to you ~
Herbwytche
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