April 22, 2004

• I can't take this any more, I really can't.  I made one fucking mistake at work yesterday & they are putting me on probation & are making up stories about other past mistakes I made (Or rather that they said I made but I didn't).  This is bullshit.  Yes, my mistake was expensive, but it didn't hurt anyone or anything.  They're treating it as if I killed an animal.  On top of everything else in my life, now this.  I really thought I was going to snap last night.  Ha!  Last night was nothing compared to this.  So, it's time to start looking for a new job.  A nice, small practice somewhere close.  I'm not quitting until I actually have some place to go.  And boy is it tempting to just give it to them.  To point out their backstabbing behavior, to acknowledge their negativity & that they didn't give me a fucking chance, and that they don't know what they're losing because they didn't use me to my full potential.  I'd love to say that, but I know I won't.  I'm too chicken.  Fine.  Whatever.  I just can't handle any more.  Sigh....

  
  

  Seeing a hand doctor tomorrow.  My finger never healed right since that bite back in January.  It's been hurting all week, so I'm glad I was able to get an appointment to soon.  We'll see what happenes with that.

  
  

  Didn't get to talk to Shannon tonight   Hopefully we can catch up tomorrow.

  
  

  I should just go to bed.  Damn, this sucks.  Please put out some good energy for me, I could really use it.  I'm gonna do something before bed, myself.  I'm going to ask that this negativity is banished from me.  That if I was a horrible person in a past life, I'm sorry, let me try to rectify it in another way, but if this is karma, I don't know how much more I can take.  Every little thing is piling up & I'm just so overwhelmed & lonely & stressed & depressed...

  
  

  Anyway, on a more positive note, this was e-mailed to me & I really liked it, so I thought I'd share it with you.

  
  

  Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.
  There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.
  All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass
  to someone else.
  Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.
  It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.
  Your grudges, resentments, frustrations, and jealousies will finally
  disappear.
  So, too, your hopes, ambitions, plans, and to-do lists will expire.
  The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.
  It won't matter where you came from, or on what side of the tracks you
  lived, at the end.
  It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.
  Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.
  So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?
  What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built; not what
  you got, but what you gave.
  What will matter is not your success, but your SIGNIFICANCE.
  What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught.
  What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or
  sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your
  example.
  What will matter is not your competence, but your character.
  What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many will feel
  a lasting loss when you're gone.
  What will matter is not your memories, but the memories that live in
  those who loved you.
  What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for
  what.
  Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident. It's not a matter
  of circumstance but of choice.
  Choose to live a life that matters
  

  
  

  Take care.  Much love & many blessings to you all.

  • 10:06 pm
  • 2 Comments