December 10, 2004
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Writing those letters mean so much to me. It touches me in such a way, and I feel that it essential that I write them, that I protect & help other women. Yet, in writing one tonight, I felt stung. Stung by the pain of all these recent events. I felt that shame & guilt that I've been carrying around with me. That feeling of what a disappointment I am. I know my mother said I was not a disappointment, but I felt those feelings of disappointment with self. Within. The disappointment, guilt, anger...So many emotions that I direct at myself. I didn't let it show, though. I fought back. I continued on. I'm being pro-active about this & I won't these WRONG feelings bog me down. I have a job to do, writing these letters is such a huge part of my healing & my mission to help other women, and I will not stop. I will fight this fight until the day I die.
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