Writing those letters mean so much to me.  It touches me in such a way, and I feel that it essential that I write them, that I protect & help other women.  Yet, in writing one tonight, I felt stung.  Stung by the pain of all these recent events.  I felt that shame & guilt that I’ve been carrying around with me.  That feeling of what a disappointment I am.  I know my mother said I was not a disappointment, but I felt those feelings of disappointment with self.  Within.  The disappointment, guilt, anger…So many emotions that I direct at myself.  I didn’t let it show, though.  I fought back.  I continued on.  I’m being pro-active about this & I won’t these WRONG feelings bog me down.  I have a job to do, writing these letters is such a huge part of my healing & my mission to help other women, and I will not stop.  I will fight this fight until the day I die.

Can you all please do me a favor & go to laurenssecret ?  She is local to me, and there was an accident.  She has lost her husband because of it & her little baby boy is in the hospital.  She really needs all the love, support, prayers & positive energy in the world.  Please send her your love.  She is a young, bright, beautiful girl & no one deserves to go through this.  Thank you all.

Sigh…It’s quiet here.  I immersed myself in a project from my workbook this afternoon.  Plus, I had to do some things that in one way or another related to Bobby.  So, I’m a bit blah right now.  I’m hungry, but don’t want to do anything about food.  I don’t know, it’s just tough sometimes, you know.  I have good times & bad times.  I know this is all normal, it is all part of the healing process, but this loneliness & quiet is killing me.  It eats away at me.  Focusing on the termination, the pain, the finality of our relationship & having to contact past & present friends of his, it’s a lot to take in.  I do have a lot to be positive about, and I’m trying.  I guess I shouldn’t force myself to feel one way or another, I have to sit through this whole emotional roller coaster before I can get off the ride a better, more complete person.  Please bear with me as I go through these loops and turns and moments where I’m up-side down…