March 6, 2005

• Delta. Change. Things are changing. Tremendously. People who I thought were my friends are proving me wrong. People who I hardly know are extending themselves in a way that I can never repay. People & things are coming and going at a rate that is making my head spin. People I’ve known all my life are gone, people who I thought were gone have re-entered my life. I have had to cut ties with a few "friends" up to this point because it just wasn’t healthy for me. That seems to be continuing here. I wasn’t expecting some of this, and in all honesty, it is not easy to just let go. I need to. I need to take care of myself right now. I am trying to give all that I can to all the people in my life, and if that is not enough, then I give up. I am only one person, and there is only so much I can do. I have so much going on. My coping skills are being challenged by stress right now as it, which is why I am fighting my addictive behaviors. I think people assume that you only need help during crisis, and that’s the end of it. Yes, when in crisis, we do need all the help we can get, there’s no question of that. However, crises like this affect us permanently. This has affected my ability to cope, it has affected me in every aspect of my life, thinking, behavior, etc. Because of that, this is when I need people the most. I know I need help, and I’m reaching out to my friends and therapists. I am trying to ask for help rather than turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms. I guess it’s just all a part of the change. I didn’t reach out before. Now that I am, I know who my real friends & support are. As difficult as all this change is, it is happening in order to help me heal & progress, to help me become a better person, to get me into a better place. The place where I truly belong.

  • 2:29 pm
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