Well, we all knew it was coming....Mike & I did break up tonight.  It hurt like hell.  I'm doing better, trying to remember some things that Stephen & Lynn said to me between last week & today.  Stephen told me today that no matter what, I did everything right & that I need to take that with me.  I'm trying to.  Lynn made some great points tonight, too.  We decided to remain friends, but it is hard...I still want to touch him, hold him, etc....  It's hard.  On the one hand, I know it's right...this was an impass...there was no way around it.  In the future?  Who knows...Only time will tell that, I can't concern myself with fantasy or hopeful optimism that may not come true.  Anyway, I do feel empty...A part of me died tonight.  I know it needed to, just like Ny needed to be put to sleep.  But knowing it's the right thing doesn't take away the pain.  But it's time to move on.  I'll adjust eventually.  It's hard....Shit like this makes me think my dad WAS right, that no one will ever love me.  I can't keep talking about this, it's too tough, too emotional, too sensitive....

The tattooing itself was great!  Bearly any pain....The left side was worse, but still so much better than I had anticipated.  We ended up not doing my original theme, because Lynn said it would be too think & not soft or feminine, which was what I wanted.  Instead it's kind of leafy/viney/flowery...It is GORGEOUS.  It goes down to just above my navel.  It is so soft & elegant & sexy & beautiful & feminine...  It is absolutely amazing!  I love Lynn....She is so talented, she has such a gift!  So, this means that I'm not retired yet, there will be a #13...It will be dolphins or porposes, probably integrated with the tribal on my left calf...I'll schedule an appt for that at my next sitting.  But anyway, today went REALLY well...I am so siked about this tat...It is so beautiful!  Well, it's getting REALLY late, and I need to get some sleep.  So, I'm off to bed, hopefully to face a better, brighter tomorrow....

Goddamn it!  I can't fucking take take this shit.  I'm sitting here, crying.  I can't win, I just can't fucking win.

I can't do this back & forth shit anymore.  One day, Mike has me thinking everything is gonna work out, that he's dedicated to me, that he'll compromise & put in an effort for me, then shit like tonight happens.  And it's not the first time.

I've compromised so much...I've worked & bent over backwards & kept my mouth shut through this whole fucking thing, and I thought it was worth it.  I thought that somehow we could make this work, if he put in as much as I did, we should be fine.  But he hasn't, he won't.  He said once that he wouldn't give up without a fight.  Where/how are you fighting for me?  Where is the equal consideration for me & my faith?!

I've always said as a Wiccan, that to each their own & I respect that, just don't force anything on me.  And I've tried.  I'm not a patient person, but I tried my best.  I sat here & watched him go from agnostic (acknowledging a god) to born again.  I kept my pagan mouth shut.  I said nothing.  In fact, I supported him, and answered questions for him (I used to be a Christian), and talked with him & told him I'd go to his baptism.  I also told him he didn't have to go to Beltane or any other Pagan festival, or see/take part in any spells I cast, etc.  If that isn't respectful, I don't know what is.

But where is it getting reciprocated?  Oh, he can't because that'll turn him from god!  FUCK THAT!  What about common human decency?  What about treating me like a fucking human being?!  What about treating me based on the way I treat you?!  How the fuck do you know your god is the only god?  You read the Bible?  Good for you.  You cannot make a truly informed decision without reading EVERY holy book & meeting the creator him/herself!  But saying what I say (that there is more than one way to heaven) is sinful & hurtful.  Ya know what, I don't like your god.  Your god restricts you.  Your god separates you from others, you use him as an excuse to separate yourself, put up boundaries, etc.  Your god will send me to hell because I'm divorced, tattooed, bi-sexual, have a mouth like a sailor, am not a virgin, and am pagan.  Nice, loving diety ya got there.  What about judging me on my strength, compassion & humanity?  That's what my Goddess & God judge me on.  They know this is an imperfect world & I am not a perfect person, but they know my heart & motives, and my judgement is based on that. 

I can't fucking win.  My ex-husband & Vinny abuse me, Mike is using religion as an excuse.  Yes, it IS an excuse.  You can be a Christian & fucking think for yourself!  I've met people like that.  They understand the beauty of what Christianity is, but they don't pass judgement on schmucks like me.  They live in modern times & don't let the church or other christians influence them.  They know you cannot take the Bible literally.

All this is heresy, I know.  Don't worry, I'm not only going to hell, I'm driving the bus.  But before you get pissed off at me, Mike, think about where I'm coming from for one fucking second.  Can you do that, empathise?  I can, and I do.  And I have been empathising for you all this time.  Now it's role reversal time.

Think about all the bullshit I've been through.  Trying being homeless for 2 weeks in a state where you don't know anyone & your life is in danger b/c you're being stalked.  Trying being raped/used by every man that comes into your life starting at age 5.  5!  What were you doing when you were 5?  Playing with Legos?!  Lucky.  Don't you get it?  I've given & given & given to EVERYONE, including you!  I tried to make people happy, I've given physically, emotionally, spirituslly, intellectually, monetarily...  I have sacrificed so much, just to make you happy, because that's what you do in a relationship.  But when the fuck is it my turn?  When will someone give to me?  When will I be on the receiving end?  This hurts so goddamn much.  I've talked to everyone about it & I get mixed reviews.  Lauren, Dawn & Kari are PISSED.  They think I should end it.  My family loves him & is telling me to be patient.  Which the fuck is it?!  Maybe if you could be decent enough to meet me half way, or to show that same amount of respect on a different subject I'd have something to hold onto & say, yes, this can work.  But you can't "waiver" in your faith.  And if you do, it's just Satan working thru me to pull you away.  Right.  It couldn't possibly have anything to do with ME!  Did I not write the other day that both people in the relationship should put the other first?  I put you first, but clearly I'm not first for you.  Thanks.

I am so fucking hurt & frustrated.  I've never been truly loved or accepted, and it certainly doesn't look like I'm gonna be.  I give because I believe it will come back to me.  Stupidly, I am still hopeful it will.  To say this hurts is an understatement.  I hope you're fucking happy, cause I sure as hell ain't.  I won't be the first person you go thru this with, either.  Right now you're hearing b/c it's your faith, you must suffer since Christ suffered, and we are just lost souls who don't get it.  Maybe, hopefully, in a couple of years you'll see & know what I see & know.

Ball's in your court.  You think about ME & all that I've done & all that I am & stand for.  But I will tell you this: I'm not doing anymore one sided relationships like I've done in the past.  If you can't or won't compromise for me, you're telling me I'm not worth it, and I WILL walk away.  Go ahead & pray about it.  Pray about your hurt, pagan girlfriend.  Have you ever thought about just making your own decision based on you, me & us?  Think about that.

Hope you're having fun watching the movie.  I'm here alone, crying. 

Ahhhh so many things to wrie about, and yet nothing to write about....

Akhenaten (pron. Ahk-NAH-ten), the kitten, is going through her "terrible two's"...She's about 11 weeks old, and she's getting into things, running away, chewing on stuff.  It's cute...Annoying, but cute 

Work's been going well...Today was good.  So, smiley's for that 

I sent an e-mail to Lauren, hopefully it will clear stuff up from last night.

I went to Orient Point to celebrate the beautiful full moon & cast a spell for strength for my tat appointment on Wednesday.  Even though it was cold, it was so beautiful & I felt so connected to all the elements...It was great.

I had a dream about Nyako last night....It paralleled the end of her life.  I was watching her suffer & waste away, but things kept pulling me away.  I knew she was dying, but didn't/couldn't do anything.  Shudder.  Do NOT need to be reminded of that....Oh well.

Another freaky thing was that I was watching trick-shot billiards, and one of the players looked A LOT like Keith Doug.  Had his profile & face structure.  Head on, he looked different, but his profile was a spitting image of "Mug"....It was weird.

So that's my pathetic life for today    Just REALLY looking forward to my appointment on Wednesday.  Can't wait!  Ok, so I have nothing else to write about, so I'll end this now before it becomes any more torturous    Good night!

Today was an interesting day.  It started up with me waking up from a dream about Nyako...Watching her get sick & suffer like she did in real life...It wasn't exactly what happened in reality, but that dream was damn close.  Work was interesting...saw some unusual cases, did some good work.  Then I came home with the intention of getting some stuff ready for a spell I was gonna cast out at Orient Point.  While I was home getting everything ready, I had trick-shot billiards on TV (ESPN2)...One of the contestants looked A LOT like Keith Doug.  He had his profile, his face structure...It was bizarre!  Why on Earth are they trying to contact me?  They're trying to tell me something "& I can't figure it out.  I'll bet they're smashing their heads against a wall somewhere saying, "Why the hell doesn't she get it?!"  Sorry guys...I never said I was smart    I know this will sound crazy, but honestly, I don't care what anyone thinks I know what I'm about to say is true.  Be skeptical or even laugh if you choose, but I'm saying this b/c I haven't really told anyone.

Samhein (pro. Sow-wen), aka Halloween, is the time when the 2 worlds (here & the afterlife) are closest.  The day before, I felt someone tap me on my back, right where my memorial tattoo to Keith Doug is.  I turned around, and no one was there, not even close to me.  I wondered if it might be him visiting me again.  On Samhein itself, I was in surgery, pretty close to a wall, with no one close to me & someone grabbed my ass.  It was Keith Doug.  He was just saying hi & playing with me a little.  We talked briefly, and he went off.  It was great, though.  His passing changed & strengthened our relationship.  Neither of us realized how special our relationship was until he died.  Soon after the accident, I was euthanising a suffering dog.  I told the dog that he needed to go, that his passing would be best.  With that, Keith Doug told me, "I needed to go."  I know I probably sound like a crazy person.  I wouldn't say it or believe it if I hadn't experienced it.  No, I'm not schizophrenic, hearing voices in my head.  I have recently become more in tune with spirits/souls/ghosts.  I've seen them, felt their presence, and (obviously, according to this), began communicating with them.  Mainly with Keith Doug, but I also saw a ghost: a soldier from the battle of Culloden in Scotland.  I felt him...I must have stepped where he did, and then he appeared to me a couple of days later.

I know I'm rambling & I'm sure it sounds stupid.  If you don't like it, don't agree with it, feel the need to make fun, then please do me a favor & just don't respond.  I'm not here looking for approval, I'm just trying to get something off my chest.  I don't care what anyone else says or thinks, this is mine (the experience & xanga).  Sigh...This is so discombobulated & weird sounding, I know it.  But it is important to me, and I've been wanting to share it for a while.  Welp, I'm gonna shut up now anyway.  I'm gonna shower & try to figure out the meaning behind the dream & Keith Doug's twin 

Tattoo #12 day after tomorrow!  Wohoo!  I'm siked!  Can't wait.....

Pardon me...I was in a good mood till I talked to Laur tonight.  I know she means well, but damn did she piss me off tonight....

Sigh...Ok, breathe    I'm not gonna let this ruin my mood.  Well, I'll try not to

Ok...Well, I really wanted to write about a certain someone   A certain, tall, young, Danish man who entered my life a little over 2 months ago.... 

We hit a bit of a rough patch last night, but we resolved it to the extent we could.  It needs time, but we're both putting in effort for each other.  This relationship is too valuable to just throw it away.

It hasn't been long, but this relationship really has been wonderful.  Mike is wonderful.  He is so good & kind & caring.  He treats me well.  Too well.  To be perfectly honest, I don't deserve someone as good as him.  He is kind & gentle & innocent.  I look at myself, I'm a used up piece of shit (literally).  I've been used & abused.  Trampled on.  I'm cynical & jaded.  I'm dark from the ashes of all the times I've been burnt.  I'm dirty.  I compared myself to a used car to him once.  I'm used, have high mileage, have a ton of dents & rust, have major wear & tear on my parts...  He deserves so much better!  His soul is bright & shining.  New.  He hasn't seen or been a part of the filth that I have.  He deserves someone who is purer in spirit than myself.

Don't get me wrong, I am MORE than greatful to have him.  He is a blessing.  He truly is.  Being with him is amazing.  Yes, there are issues.  There are issues in EVERY relationship.  It depends on the people involved.  Are you willing to put in effort & sacrifice & put the other person before you?  I personally believe that each person is supposed to put the other first, and then everyone wins.  Sure, shit happens.  We're all imperfect.  But if you're willing to admit that & work on it both on a personal level & as a couple, then you're on the right track.  Every kind of relationship takes work & sacrifice: family, friends, lovers...  It's all the same.  Relationships die when they're one-sided and/or the effort & compromise cease.  It's easy to let that go, but how much more rewarding it is when you do!  I look at my grandparents, my mom & her beau, Dawn & Justin, Lauren & Jeff....They've all had to sacrifice a lot, to work for each other, and they are so happy!  Their relationships are extremely strong.  Their hard work was worth it.  I KNOW this is the case for Mike & I.  I told him the areas I need to work on for myself.  I'm trying.  It's difficult, but it will benefit us both, and so I am trying.  I know he's been trying too.  It's harder for him because he has so much more going on with school, work, etc.  But I know his heart is in it.  I'm not giving up.  He means too much to me.  More than words could ever describe.  Living without his warm, wonderful smile wouldn't be living.  It would be empty & cold.  I could never imagine life without him now.  This may be hard, but damn it, I'm not giving up.  Not on him.  Not on us.  I am willing to work & give & do in oder to get "us" in the right direction.  It's been worth it so far, I can only imagine how much more we will gain from plugging away even more...

So, here's to you, Mike, Honey!  Can't wait till Wednesday when I can see your warm, sweet, wonderful face again! 

BBBBBBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

I hate the snow!  LOL...Not really.  It's pretty to look at, but I hate having to live & deal with it....it's such a pain in the ass.  Although, I am thankful for my 2 Michigan winters: I learned a lot driving in REAL snow 5 - 6 months out of the year.  At least I know I'm safe in the snow...I just try to stay away from idiots...Most NYers don't know how to REALLY drive in snow.  There was this one woman who starting BACKING UP in the middle of a snowstorm last year, in a break in the median of 347/454 in Hauppauge...Brilliant.  I ended up sliding across 347 & I landed on the right hand shoulder.  I remained calm, slowly applied pressure to the break & downshifted.  Didn't anyone or anything, although I did want to hit HER.  See, there was a car speeding up behind me as the moron decides to back up into my lane.  Thank god, "speed racer" cut underneath me & drove away just in time for me to do my version of "Disney on Ice"...Except it was the R-rated version of disney!  LOL.  Well, that was fun.  I can't wait for that kind of stupidity to show itself this weekend.  At least it entertains me 

I'm actually doing pretty well other than being cold.  I have a few things plaguing me, but they're all related, and they just need to sort themselves out.  It's all a matter of time.  At least I have wonderful friends I can talk to.  Stephen & I had an AWESOME talk in that Tat parlor on Tuesday.  I love everyone there...We have these amazing philosophical discussions.  It is such a warm, loving atmosphere.  Normally, I'd be uncomfortable discussing certain things (i.e., the placement of this next tattoo), but I'm very comfortable around Stephen.  Finding Lynn & this parlor was such a blessing...I recommend them to everybody.  They squeezed me in when "Mug" died (so I could get my memorial tat ASAP), they've always been great.  They all have such amazing gift with their artistry...I'm so jealous   Wow, that was quite an aside   Going back, the point was that I have great people to talk to: Stephen, Lauren (my best friend), Dawn & Justin....  So many good people in my life.  I do have to battle my insecurities on my own, but these people have been more than helpful in that battle.  They've all helped me to see things from various angles, and to come to the right decision with things.  From experience, I know how important it is to get outside feedback....I learned the hardway that outside opinions of certain situations definetly count for something.  So now, I listen to them with more appreciation for their perspectives.

As for that "challenge" Dawn faced me with, I decided no.  The temptation was there, but I can't.  Saying yes would compromise my morals too much.  I am not ready to say yes, either...I need time.  I'm not going to say anymore...I don't want to elude to it, it is just too personal.  But I spoke to Lauren about it & she agrees with me, and that was all I needed.

Speaking of Lauren...I also, kind of finally came out to her (sort of).  Without saying it directly, she now knows I'm bi.  I was a little apprehensive about telling her.  Yes, she's seen me through a TON of shit, but I was afraid she might judge me.  Stupid me!  I should never underestimate her again.  She loved & supported me like always.  To say she rocks is an understatement.  So, I've been getting a lot of weight lifted off my shoulders...It feels good to not hide.  I do have to hide certain things from my family, but it's not meant in a hurtful way.  It's just due to....It's hard to describe...At the fear of sounding like a teenager, they just wouldn't understand.  I could never tell my grandparents I'm bi...They'd probably die (literally).  And I think my mom might judge me...She's changed a lot, so maybe not, but I fear that some of her old ways are still alive & kicking somewhere.  And no, my family doesn't know I'm Wiccan.  Again, don't want to hurt or confuse the grandparents.  They've been too wonderful to me for me to throw them a loop like that.  As for my mom...Oooooh, talk about judging!  It would get ugly...I know the kinds of "conversations" that would take place....Scary.  So, I leave it be.  If I can't openly discuss my father's abuse, I certainly can't discuss things like that.  But, I am happy & I love my family very much.  It doesn't bother me.  My relationships with them are closer than ever, so why ruin a good thing?

Ok, I've been going on & on aimlessly    So, I'll shut up now    Stay warm!

Finally!  A day without a headache!    Today is my 2 month anniversary with Mike.  Yay!  Best 2 months of my life    I'm very happy, obviously.  I hope there are many, many more to come.

Pretty ordinary day....surgeries & treatments, appointments this afternoon....nothing too exciting (for me anyway.  I'm at a point where pyometras are nothing special.  A pyo is an infected uterus of an unspayed female cat or dog).    Gave Akhenaten, the kitten, her first distemper vaccine...I did it myself at home.  I love that kind of stuff.  Actually using my license & education   I went out to dinner with my mom & her friend Anita.  We shopped at Tanger a little bit.  I got some stuff I needed....shoe laces, stockings, my mom bought me silk long underwear...supposed to help keep me warm.  I'll try anything since I'm cold at anything below 75   Mike's last christmas gift arrived today!    I just love mentioning that to him....he's so much fun to torture 

It was nice have a quiet, not-too-exciting day.  Just waiting till Saturday...I get to see Mike, Dawn, Kari & Justin again.  Can't wait.  It'll be fun.  I'll be surrounded by good people & good music    LOL...Mike probably won't think so (about the music), but it'll be fun none the less.  It'll be good to see Mike again, have some quiet time together.  Although, he'll probably spend all his time with the kitten    Still no news on what's wrong with her pelvis.  I really hope she doesn't need surgery, but I have a feeling she will.  She acts like nothing's wrong, but I'm concerned about arthritis & bone disorders later on.  She is the runt, which means she was the last egg that was fertilised and had the least amount of time to develop properly.  And, since cats & dogs can be bred multiple times, we don't know how long she really had to develop.  So, anyway, that being the case, I do worry about her immune system, bone structure & density, neurologic condition, etc.  She's sitting on my lap just purring away right now...  I love her!

Well, I guess no news is good news    I'm off to shower.  I know, I know....you can smell me from there.  Relax, I'm going right now!    Goodnight everyone!

Another pounding headache today....Joy! 

I got my inspiration for today's entry while in the shower.  It struck me how we let fear ruin our lives.  So many people live & fear & don't risk anything, and they lose so much for it.  It's a shame.  I've encountered a few of those people & I see their lives dead end.

We fear the unknown, the unseen, anything/everything that lies beyond human thinking.  Instead of embracing what is greater than us, we fear it.  We fear making decisions if we don't know or understand the consequences of that decision.  I am guilty of this too.  But I have also learned that the unknown does not always equal badness.  The outcome is what we make of it.

I've been forced to make some scary decisions, and in many cases, I couldn't let fear hold me back.  In some cases, I came out fine, in others, hurt.  But as I moved on I would look back & see the good that would come out of that decision.  You can grow & learn & become a better person from EVERY situation.  It's up to you to decide if that's the way you want to live your life.  I personally find more gratituide & contentment in being positive about things. 

I gained so much by taking risks & letting go of my fears.  I got into veterinary medicine by taking a risk & taking a job I thought I'd hate, and now look at me!  I took a risk taking each of my jobs, but they taught me so much & I'm a better vet tech for them.  I took risks in my personal relationships, in moving, in every aspect of my life.  Hell, I took a risk in facing my fear of fish (No, I'm not kidding.  I used to be phobic of fish.  Strange I know, but that's besides the point) & I took the internship at the Riverhead Foundation for Marine Research & Preservation.  That was the best decision I could have made.  I fell in love with Marine Mammal work...I learned & experienced so much...it was an amazing experience.  Even decisions like dating Vinny or getting married helped me.  There was pain there, but I grew as a person from that.  I learned & experienced & matured.  I faced the fears of being alone, getting divorced, etc., and I came out so much better for it.

My grandfather has a pillow that says 'No Guts, No Glory."  He got it during some major business acquisition or something.  History of that aside, I agree with that statement.  There is so much to experience in life, and living in fear keeps you from those experiences.  It does take a lot of guts to bite the bullet & face the unknown.  But, wouldn't you rather live a full life than a life of regret & what if's? 

I can go on & on, but I'm basically repeating myself.  It just doesn't make sense to me to live in fear & not live a full life.  Just think about making the best out of every decision & not letting fear hold you back from your full potential.

Lots o' stuff today....

First let me start by finishing this never ending religion debate.  Religious beliefs can be debated endlessly, but personally, I'd rather not.  God judges ALL, weighs the heart of each person.  To everyone: Do us both a favor & don't woryy about what happens to me in the after-life.  If God needs to talk with me, we will sit down & talk it out together.  It's just between him & I, though.  Please remember that.  So, I'll end it there.

Second on my mind is something I can't even divulge.  Dawn asked me a question the other night.  She challenged.  Challenged my morals, ethics.  Challenged me to go out on a limb.  It wasn't a bad thing, but "risky" (for lack of a better word).  I've been confused enough as it is this week, that question did NOT help.  Sigh....I find myself asking that question over & over, but I don't have an answer.  I think only time will tell that.  Who knows?  I'd LOVE to get it off my chest, but I can't.  I can't tell anyone, that kills me...I do best talking things out with other people, and this has to be kept "secret."  Let me NOT think about it, so it doesn't eat me alive....

I'm sulking today because of the snow!  We had a harsh winter last year, I got robbed of a real summer & now it's snowing again.  It's not fair!  Damn you white, arctic people!    LOL...Just kidding 

I've been getting a lot of headaches lately.  Not sure if they're stress or anemia related.  Just odd....

Get the final tattoo next week.  Can't believe it's finally/already here.  I'm excited.  This is a big gift I'm giving myself.  It's the last step in my physical transformation.  And the positive effect it will have on my self-esteem is unbelievable.  I'm excited & nervous...But happy.  Now I'll truly be able to accept my body...I can be proud...I paid for each tat with my own money, they all represent who I am, they all beautify me.  Yea!  I'm siked!  I'm meeting with Lynn, my artist, later today to finalize everything....Can't wait!

Well, I think that's it for now.  Stay warm everyone!

Religion's come up a lot lately....I've had some big religion discussions this week with friends, family (both Mine & Mike's), etc.  It's been great being able to express my personal views, and I've learned a lot, gained some good insight from these discussions as well.  But I do think there was one thing I left out.  So, I'll put it here for all the world to see, and I'm hoping that'll bring everything to a close, because in all honesty, I don't want to discuss this anymore...Think ostrich hiding technique.

The bottom line (to me) is kind of 2-fold, but first off, all religions have the same core beliefs: Do well, treat others well, live a good moral life as best you can.  Wicca, Christianity, Buddhism, Islam, all religions will tell you that.  They just differ on their view of God.  Some religions will tell you that their way is the only way, I beg to differ.  I personally feel that there is no "only one way" to heavan/valhalla/paradise/the after-life.  My own belief is that anything & everything is possible.  My opinion won't change what awaits me, or how to get there, so I believe it is all possible.  I could go on & on, but that's not the point.  Anyway, secondly, the point of religion is to help you understand the world around you.  There are so many mysteries in life, and we turn to faith to help us understand them, to try to make sense of things.  Just like so many other things in life, this is subjective.  What you see, what you experience, what you learn puts your own twist on answering these mysteries.  So, really, who are we to judge someone else's opinion if it differes from ours?  If it makes sense to them, if it helps them to understand the world around them, then how/why is it wrong?  I differ in beliefs from Wiccan friends of mine, but that doesn't bother me or change my views of them, because I understand that that is what they need.  My views are mine, and mine alone.  I am not looking for anyone to embrace them, because they work for me, they don't need to work for you.  Just as I don't expect you to embrace my ideas, please don't expect me to embrace yours.  True contentment understands that everyone is different, and does not need to push anything onto anyone if it's not right for them.  A lot of people confuse "believe" with "know."  Those words are NOT interchangeable.  I hope I don't come across harsh, I don't mean to.  As I said, religion is supposed to help you understand the world around you, and therefore it should be personalized: "To each his/her own."