January 5, 2004
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Wow, I just spent like $400 today! Half was for me, the other half went to a baby gift for my college roommate & b-day prsents for my mom. I did buy about $200 worth of underwear for myself, though, at Victoria's Secret. It was pretty crazy there, they were having their semi-annual sale. It was fun in a way, 'cause it's the total opposite of what I'd normally do. It was girlie & crowded, 2 things I normally DON'T do
But I needed the stuff, plus I got pretty, sexy underwear. Most of my bras are sports bra & my panties are something my grandmother would be ashamed to wear! LOL. I want to feel pretty & sexy when I'm not at work. Now I can. Now, if I know I'm gonna see Stephen (or anybody else for that matter), I can have something nice on, on top & underneath
As for the men & women in my life, You're right, Herbwytche. I know you are. Part of being alone the past 2 years was for me to get to that place in my life. I'm better now. A million times better. I've grown, learned to love & accept myself, my self-esteem is at a high point it's never been at before, and I've even come to embrace sex & sexuality as a normal part of a healthy life. I haven't had any in the past 2 years, and I do want to expand that part of my life, but not just with anyone. Honestly, the only weak point in my life is my insecurity with other people. I'm the same way with my friends. I don't know how to break myself of this. I tend to feel that if I don't hear from people, if I don't keep in CONSTANT contact with them, that they don't love me. I grew up hearing I'm replaceable, unimportant, and unloveable. I cling to these people to reassure me that it's not true. I know life is busy & people can't always talk, yet, emotionally, that kills me. How do I realize emotionally, that not talking every day is ok? It's funny because I was thinking about this today when I was stuck in traffic. I thought about how the energy you put out comes back to you. How immortality comes with the energy you put out. If I love & give to others, if I do for others, I'm putting that good, gentle, giving energy out to the world & it will continue to go around & will even touch people outside of my small circle. I truely believe that the music & energy I put out touches so many, more than I could ever concieve. And yes, it will come back to me. It has. At this moment, I am surrounded by so much love & warmth from my friends. I have new, wonderful people who have become a great addition to the quilt of love my "older" friends have created & blanketed me with. I am so greatful to have all these wonderful, beautiful souls in my life. I am truely blessed.
Well, I should go. I have a lot of wrapping, packing & trying on to do
Thank you, all. I love each of you. Take care, blessed be & have a wonderful night!
Comments (4)
Buying sexy underwear always makes me feel better. I mean, it's not like anyone knows I have a new bra & panties on but I know I have them on, right? Right!
I am just opposite of the place that you are at right now. For the most part I NEED to be on my own. This doesn't mean that I want to be, certainly not, because I love people and I thrive when I am surrounded by them! Sometimes I feel that I get too clingy. Like you, I take absence as a sign that I am no longer loved. I can't think like that though, because it isn't always the case ( is it?) So for me, I feel that I can gain ALOT of inner strength from being on my own. See?
Hey, You're the best! Love Ya!
h.
i can probably put it back, but your saying would not show,
xanga doesnt allow for that.
Donna
thanks so much for visiting my site, my internet time over here is very limited but i plan on catching up with you on your site over the next few days
take care, and thank you again
jay
here's something to fix it back for now, umm...i will make a banner for you later. email me and tell me what you want it to say.
ps. my birthday is coming up and i am a VICkiE SEcrET addict.
Donna
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