FINALLY!  I am so sorry!  The move has been hectick, to say the least.  I've also been working mad over-time.  And the kicker?  Jay's computer is hooked up to internet, but I didn't have my xanga password.  My computer has the password, but wasn't hooked up!  LOL....We found my password in packing the last of my stuff over the weekend.  I do have A LOT of catching up to do, but it will have to wait, I have more unpacking to do.  I shall return!  Much love & many blessings to you all!

The south has, in fact, risen again.  There is a new civil war brewing.  A civil war within myself.  A war between New York and Virginia.  They are both fighting over me, and sadly, there can be only one victor.  New York is my home, my friends and family, all that I know, is there.  Virginia is my new home.  This is where I have rebuilt my life and established new roots.  It's rather difficult to decide which is better: the established home or the new life home.  I know that I am going back to my place of origin, but it will not be easy to say goodbye to my current residence.  Despite all that has happened here, all that I have endured since I came here, it is still MY home.  Although I am going back, I am moving forward.  I will create another home for myself back by my family.  I will have a home in these 2 places, and who knows how many other places which I have yet to explore.  This is my power, I am taking the control of my life back.  I can build my own home anywhere, and he can never take that away from me.

My therapist said yesterday how she's never seen me so happy.  I still can't get over this relationship with Jay.  I was not expecting to be in a relationship so soon...I expected it would be at least a year, if not longer.  And, Jay is so different.  He constantly checks to ensure I'm comfortable with things, that I'm ok emotionally.  We split the responsibilities, we take care of each other, and he has absolutely no expectations of me.  Nothing is demanded of me.  It's such a change, he doesn't ask anything of me.  It's weird, it's taking a lot of getting used to.  It's not bad, just a big change.  I have a hard time wrapping my head around all the changes that have taken place over the past 6 months.  It's so amazing, so many positive things have happened for a change.  It wasn't easy getting here, but I'm loving every minute of it

Karma. It's an interesting thing, how what energy we put out into the world eventually comes back to us. I should know. I am finally feeling my own karma. After giving constantly, and being treated like a doormat, I am now the recipient of a selfless person.

My life has changed so drastically in the past 6 months. The 10th was the 6 month anniversary of my rape. I never imagined that in 6 months my life would go from being nearly ruined to being on top pf the world. In the past 6 months, I have significantly climbed the business ladder and manage an up-and-coming animal hospital, I am going back to school, and I am in love with the most incredible man.

My job at Ambassador is a new one, but the responsibility is huge, and I love every minute of it, and I'm doing a damn good job.

I'm going back to school this fall. I'm going to get my BBA in business management so that I can go even further. I'm not going to school down here, I'm going back to NY. My family is in NY, and Jay is in NY. I need to be with him, this long-distance thing is just too hard. We have it all figured out in terms of when, finances, schools, etc. This should be good. It's so ironic because Jay and I were interested in each other from day one, but Bobby got in the way, charmed into believing he was something he wasn't, and the idea of "Jay and I" was lost. In October, Bobby raped me, and moved back to NY. I wanted to keep in touch with Jay, but was too afraid because of the connection with Bobby. Now 6 months later, Jay and I are the couple we were supposed to be. I guess if something is meant to be, it will happen. It is so wonderful - it is such a change. Jay is selfless and patient and understanding. We have always had an incredible friendship, and that is the strong foundation for this relationship. It is a new, and very wonderful place to be in.

For once, my future looks bright. Everything is going well, and I couldn't be happier. The best part is, I am not looking at this bright future alone, my best friend and partner is right next to me.

I've been busy, not forgetful.  A lot has happened.  I'm working the new job.  It's kinda crazy...It's very difficult to manage a practice that is just starting up, but it's a good challenge.  The only thing is, as tech AND manager, I am running myself a bit ragged, but it's good.  It's tough work, but I'm happy.

I've also started dating again...I was NOT expecting this, not so soon.  And the kicker?  It's Jay, his former best-friend.  LOL...I just had to make a bizarre situation even more bizarre   We're having a lot of fun, we're happy.  The long distance thing is a bit of an issue, but we're working that out.  As it stands right now, he is looking to come down here.  NOT live with me, but to be somewhere in the vicinity.  It's kinda weird for me, that he is willing to make such a sacrifice, and to be so willing to compromise.  Everything has been on my terms, whatever I'm comfortable with.  It's wonderful, but it is definitely going to take some getting used to   I was up in NY this past weekend to be with him, and I'm going up again this weekend to go to PA with him to meet his parents. 

So yeah...lots going on here.  I hope you are all well.  I do want to know what is going on with each of you.  Much love & many blessings to you all, and a very happy 29th b-day to a certain skinny white guy living in NY

I am so sorry...I have hardly been home...I have so much catching up to do in every aspect of my life right now...  I did take the manager job, I'm putting in my notice at Goochland tomorrow...Please wish me well, this will be one the most difficult things I have to do.  I hate to hurt or abandon people I care about.  I got the truck on Thursday...It's ORANGE...Can't miss it.  LOL...It's great though, it really is.  I've been sick a lot....stomach has really been acting up.  I was pet sitting since Wednesday night which is part of the reason I haven't been home.  I'm actually off to bed now, but I wanted to thank everyone for their kind words.  Although I haven't responded, they have not fallen on deaf ears.  Maybe/hopefully I can get back into the swing of things sometime this week.  I can't promise anything because at this point, I have no idea what's going on   I hope you are all well.  Take good care.  Much love & many blessings to you all!

Delta. Change. Things are changing. Tremendously. People who I thought were my friends are proving me wrong. People who I hardly know are extending themselves in a way that I can never repay. People & things are coming and going at a rate that is making my head spin. People I’ve known all my life are gone, people who I thought were gone have re-entered my life. I have had to cut ties with a few "friends" up to this point because it just wasn’t healthy for me. That seems to be continuing here. I wasn’t expecting some of this, and in all honesty, it is not easy to just let go. I need to. I need to take care of myself right now. I am trying to give all that I can to all the people in my life, and if that is not enough, then I give up. I am only one person, and there is only so much I can do. I have so much going on. My coping skills are being challenged by stress right now as it, which is why I am fighting my addictive behaviors. I think people assume that you only need help during crisis, and that’s the end of it. Yes, when in crisis, we do need all the help we can get, there’s no question of that. However, crises like this affect us permanently. This has affected my ability to cope, it has affected me in every aspect of my life, thinking, behavior, etc. Because of that, this is when I need people the most. I know I need help, and I’m reaching out to my friends and therapists. I am trying to ask for help rather than turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms. I guess it’s just all a part of the change. I didn’t reach out before. Now that I am, I know who my real friends & support are. As difficult as all this change is, it is happening in order to help me heal & progress, to help me become a better person, to get me into a better place. The place where I truly belong.

 I woke up this morning, and found Asche, the new bird, dead in her cage.  Her behavior recently has been off, so I wonder if she had some kind of neuro problem.  I don't know what the signs of psittacosis are, I may try to look it up.  Just in the midst of all this chaos, this has to happen.  Sigh....I need some goodness to come into my life...

I have not abandoned you.  I've hardly been home...I'm sick because I haven't been getting enough sleep.  There has been SO much going on, it's unbelievable.  Today, I sell the Stratus.  It needs to go.  This is very strange, and a bit emotional, but it needs to be done.  If my computer doesn't die on me. I'll explain all this later.  Elaina & I never got the chance to work on it yet.  I've been too busy to do anything.  I need to go get ready for all this....I'll be back as soon as I can.  Much love & many blessings to you all.

I am so sorry, I have been so horrible about getting back to people.  Hopefully Tuesday will be the day I get back in touch with each of you.  Please accept my deepest apologies, nothing has gotten the attention it deserves: the house is a wreck, the car needs a lot of work, all of my pets need more attention...EVERYTHING has been neglected.  And yet, here I am, about to post a poll question & hope you all respond.  How selfish, I really am sorry. 

My poll question is this: I love my new job.  I am very happy there.  It's a great environment, great people, good place to be.  The pay is HORRIBLE.  I am about to be offered an office manager position with a corporation that owns a few animal hospitals locally.  Don't know exactly what the pay is, but it will be a HUGE difference from what I'm being paid right now.  Not to mention the benefits, not to mention it'll be easier on my body & I can be VERY creative in boosting this animal hospital.  Don't know what the working environment will be like.  Can't be sure I'll be as happy there as I am right now.  Do I go with a job where I am happy but can hardly pay the bills, or do I risk it & go with a job that will give me the financial peace of mind I've never had?  Balancing emotions & business decisions is VERY difficult, that's all I can say.

Hopefully, I'll be able to catch up with each of you on Tuesday.  I am so very sorry.  I do miss you all!  Take good care.  Much love & many blessings!